


A Kiss a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

by dontpanicyet



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: !!!!, Brotherly Love, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, I need this boy to be happy, Marriage, Parenthood, Pregnancy, Romance, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, cheap tension for angst lol, complete with, i love cliches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-12-08 19:25:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11653134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontpanicyet/pseuds/dontpanicyet
Summary: A bump in the road couldn't stop you before, and it wouldn't now.  Your marriage to Saeyoung, told by twenty kisses.





	1. Distractions

**Author's Note:**

> So I was scrolling through my tumblr dash and a list of kiss prompts came up and now we're here c: enjoy the domestic fluff

 Br **eaking the kiss to say something, staying so close that you’re murmuring into each other’s mouths**

* * *

 

It had been a slow day.

Your work phone wasn’t blowing up like usual with calls from guests and party goers, and you had answered pretty much every email that seemed important enough for immediate response.Any other day, you’d be at Jaehee’s cafe at this time working your shift, but it was your day off.It was too early to start making dinner, you couldn’t motivate yourself to get up and find a book to read, and Saeran was already taking up the couch while watching a movie.You were sure that if you went over to join him, you’d end up talking his ear off to the point where he’d just get up and leave.

So you were bored.

It wasn’t often that you got to enjoy a lazy day, and though when you were swamped with work, you had always hoped that you’d get a break.But this was just dreadful.

On the other side of the room, you heard the steady _clack_ of Saeyoung’s keyboard as he typed something out.Your head, previously hanging off the back of your chair, lolled in his direction to switch your gaze from the ceiling to him.All three monitors of his computer were loaded with some algorithmic code.You were nowhere near proficient in any computing language, but you knew the _very_ basics of one or two.

Not that they’d really help you understand whatever was on his screen.

After staring for a few minutes, watching his head sway to the beat of whatever song he was listening to, you decided to make him the victim of your boredom.You had made yourself a place in his computer room for your own work for the RFA, and unsurprisingly, he was usually the one distracting you.You forced yourself up from your chair and away from your desk to go over and tap him on the shoulder. 

In the reflection of the center monitor, you saw the side of his mouth quirk up into a smile.

He spun his chair around and pushed his headphones to fall around his neck.“ _Yeesssss_?” he drew out.“How can I help you, ma’am?”

“I’m bored.”

“Hi, bored.I’m Sae—“

“ _Oh my god, don’t_.”

He shot you a lopsided smile as you rolled your eyes at his attempted joke.“Seriously, though, I’ve been watching you mope for the past fifteen minutes.Everything okay?”

You sighed and fell forward, straddling him with a head on his shoulder as the force of you gently pushed the chair against the desk.He wrapped his arms around you, surprised, but nonetheless pleased with how this was playing out. “I’m just _bored,_ ” you finally said.

Saeyoung laughed, “ _You’re_ always yelling at _me_ to stop distracting _you_ from work!”He put his hands on your shoulders and gently pushed you up.“The tables have _turned_ , honey!”

“You _wish_!This is totally different!I don’t have any work _to_ do; _you do._ ”

And it was true.Soon after the ordeal with Mint Eye, and after Saeran could finally stand to be in the same room as his brother, Jumin set up a job interview for Saeyoung as a medical software programmer.Going into it, Saeyoung kept the mentality of “lololol I don’t want to do this so I’m just going to fuck with them”, but they were still so impressed with his computing abilities (appropriate or not) that they gave him the job.Actually, they wanted him as a part of their company so badly that they catered to his every request, such as choosing his own hours and working from home.You were the one that ultimately pushed him to accept:

“Saeyoung, you could save _lives_ with the stuff you can do!” you had said in response to his aversion.“And they want _you_ , not some half-rate IT guy!”

You also suspected the connection to Jumin had something to do with it as well, but you kept that to yourself.

“ _Yeesssssss_ , but I also don’t have deadlines!”

“That’s a lie!”

“ _Shhhhh_!It’s true if I believe it is!”

You snorted.“You can’t wish away your work, stupid.”Then, you asked, “But really, how much work do you have left?”You hated to play the role of “needy wife,” but damn it, you were _bored_.

He sighed through his nose and leaned his head forward, tapping his forehead to yours.“A lot… actually.”

“Oh.”You’d be lying if you weren’t a bit disappointed, but you understood.“It’s okay; I’ll go bug Zen on the phone.Maybe we’ll go on a date while you work.Who knows?”You tossed him a saucy wink as you started climbing off of him, only to have him grab your wrists and pull you back towards him.

“ _Wait wait wait wait wait_ ,” he said in rapid succession.“ _Gaaahhh_ , my wife is such a deviant: going around with other men while I’m stuck at my desk!”

You giggled, leaning forward to give him a quick peck on the lips.“Don’t worry.It’ll stay PG… thirteen.”And you laughed again when he gaped.“Seriously, finish your work.It’s important.”

“Well, now I _can’t_.Screw the old men in lab coats; my _dignity_ is on the line!”

“Ah, yes, screw the old men in lab coats while I’m with Zen.It’s a perfect trade!”

“Seductress!” he cried.“She’ll seduce the world!Saeran, your sister in law is a—“

“Seductress, I’m aware,” Saeran grumbled just loud enough in response.The movie was paused, and you wondered how long it had been.The office had no doors and was adjacent to the living room, meaning that Saeran probably heard every work exchanged between you two.

You hummed, “Maybe I’ll let him join the date as well.”

“First my friend and then my brother?Do you know no bounds!”

You smiled at Saeran, and he rolled his eyes.He had made leaps in his recovery in the past year and a half, but there was still a long road ahead.He rarely smiled and kept to himself, and during RFA parties, he could be found sitting at a table in the farthest corner for the duration of it.You told him time and time again that if he was uncomfortable, he didn’t have to go, but he never verbally complained.You figured that he forced himself to go as a way to atone with the past, even though you, and the rest of your friends, had forgiven him _long_ ago.

You, also, had an interesting relationship with the other Choi.In fact, you’d even say you had grown fairly close.They were little things that cued you in, like sitting down at the table with you when you were having a snack, or watching TV with you on the couch (if you didn’t narrate, of course).They told you that he trusted you, and despite all that he had done to you, a relatively short time ago, it made your heart soar.

“What do you say, Saeran?” you called.

He pulled a mildly disturbed expression before mumbling something under his breath and stalking away into his bedroom.

Okay, so he could also act like a moody teenager.

Saeyoung was tracing circles around your hips with his thumb, staring dreamily in his brother’s wake.“I’m proud of him,” he stated. 

“He’s come a long way,” you agreed.“And so will you, _in your career_ , if you finish this project.Come on—go.”For the second time, you made to get up, and for the second time, he tightened his grip.

“ _Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo_ ,” he whined.“You’re so warm!”

“Finish.Your.Work.”

“Show me some love, and _then_ I’ll do it.I don’t know if I can forgive you for flirting around behind my back!”He sniffed and looked up at you from underneath his glasses, eyes wide like a puppy.

You gave him a chaste kiss.

“Mmmmm, nope.That was too cold; it made my heart shiver.”

“God, you’re a child.”

“I’m _waaaiting_!”

“Ugh…”

Despite your complaints, you had no problem raising your hands to cup each side of his face, and leaning in to mold your mouth against his.Saeyoung’s arms wrapped tighter around your torso before you separated from him again. 

“Better?” you asked.

A thoughtful look passed his face before he shook his head.“Nope, it’s still frozen in there.It’s not beating.”

“Guess I should get the defibrillator, huh?”And you leaned back in, arms snaking around his neck as you exchanged a series of deep, slow kisses, to the point where when you finally forced yourself away, yet again, your breathing was shallow.Your face remained a millimeter away from his, and you felt his own breaths huffing against your chin.“How about that?” you murmured against his mouth.

“Better, but still a little chilly, doctor,” he whispered back.

At this point, you kind of forgot about your demands for him to work, and instead, continued your onslaught of affections for the man before you.If he wasn’t mentally locking himself away, the work couldn’t be _that_ pressing.

He gave a nip to your bottom lip and pressed a kiss to the corner of your lips and said, “I really don’t want to finish this now.”

“Maybe I’ll let it slide this time.”You kept your forehead against his.

“You’ll let it slide?”

“Just for a little while,” you breathed.

“All I need.”And he launched himself up with you in his arms, a squeal escaping you before you could stop it.“To the sex mobile!” he cried as he raced towards your bedroom, and you laughed the entire way, wondering how you found such a wonderfully silly man to call your own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a short unedited chapter! This is just to lay out some exposition and stuff. Once I get a few chapters in, they should get longer :) Oh, yeah, and those cliche fanfic tropes and scenes? Lots of those. I live for the cheesy, kinda overused cutesy moments so I hope you do too ;))


	2. Date Night

** Moving around while kissing, stumbling over things **

* * *

 

It was supposed to be a date—and you supposed it still was—but it definitely wasn’t what was planned.

It was pretty rare that you and Saeyoung went on a _date, date_ ; you usually went on trips to the park or took drives around town.  It was the little casual excursions that the two of you loved.It was no surprise considering that you both thought there were better things to do than sit at a dimly lit table with overpriced food.

But, since you had both been absorbed into your work for the past few days, only recently finalizing your respective projects, he surprised you with reservations to a relatively famous, and hard to reserve, restaurant. 

“Recommended by Jumin,” he had flaunted when he told you.

So there you were, dressed in a fancy-but-not-too-fance dress, hand in hand with Saeyoung, who wore a button down shirt, a pair of dress pants, and—get this— _loafers_.He had even gone so far as to change his glasses to an spare solid black pair, but before you left the house, you swapped them back with a smile.Who was Saeyoung without the eye-catching yellow and grey frame?

Clothing, as it turned out, wouldn’t really matter, though, because the restaurant had unknowingly given away your reserved table to a stand-by couple.

“Wait, what?” Saeyoung had asked when the hostess quietly explained the situation.

“I’m _so_ sorry, sir.We mistook your reservation with an absent party’s and already seated different diners.”Her face was bright red with embarrassment, and you couldn’t help but wonder if she was new to the job.“Um, I can offer you both wine—on the house—if you want to wait for a table to open up?”

Saeyoung’s eyes darted to yours, worried, before asking, “Uh, how long do you think that would take?”

She glanced at the monitor in front of her.“A little over an hour,” she answered softly.

He looked back at you with eyebrows raised, looking to you for suggestion.

You shrugged.“That’s okay; things happen.We’ll be back another time.”And you tugged him along with you out of the restaurant.

“I can’t believe I put on _pants_ for this,” he groaned.“I’m so sorry abou—“

“What are you apologizing for?” you asked with a small smile.“Not your fault the restaurant messed up.”

“Yeah… but still…”

It was obvious that he was peeved at the ordeal, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a _little_ annoyed yourself, but the night was still young, and you intended to have your date.You _weren’t_ going to have him beat himself up over someone else’s slip up.

“Come on, Agent 707.The ice cream place is still open, and we’re millennials!The evening is _ours_!” you declared with a nudge to his bicep.

He looked at you, appreciative but still uncertain.“You sure it’s okay?”

You rolled your eyes and pulled him forward.“Come _on_!We’ve gotta go before the _teenagers_ get there!”

And so now you and Saeyoung sat on a park bench, sharing an excessively large cup of ice cream.You weren’t able to get there before the dreaded _teenagers_ , so rather than cringe and watch awkward young couples flirt, you opted to take this date to the solitude of the park.At this point, the park lights lining the path had switched on, and the only people really around were the few out walking their dogs.

You stuck another spoonful in your mouth.“You know, we probably should’ve gotten something for Saeran.”

He hummed in response but said nothing.

You sighed and pinched his thigh.

He jolted and, as the one holding the cup, had to maneuver his arm around to keep the ice cream from spilling.“ _Why?_ ” he whined.

“You’ve been pouting since the restaurant,” you accused, and when he opened his mouth to defend, you put a finger up.“I know your pouty face, Saeyoung.Don’t try me.”

He blew a raspberry.“I don’t have a pouty face.”

“What’s _that_ face, then?”

“The _handsomest_ face?”

“Sae _young_.”

He threw his free hand up.“Ah, fine, I’m still mad about it,” he admitted before laying it down on the top of the bench, elbow hanging off the back.

“Why?We have ice cream and a _child free park_.Listen to that!”You leaned forward with your ear sticking out.“ _Quiet_.”

Your banter did little to lighten his mood, and he sighed, looking up.“I’m just… ahhh, I wanted to do something nice, you know?Different.And it didn’t work out… per usual… so I don’t know…”

You placed your hand on his forearm.“Do you not like the park dates?”

“ _No no no no no_ , it’s not that!Really!” he answered quickly.“Ah, I don’t know.You seemed so excited to go, and I hate to let you down.”

“Is your angst right now seriously centered around the thought of ‘letting me down’?”

He didn’t answer, but by the way he looked down as opposed to at you, you took that as a yes.

A part of you wanted to laugh at how trivial it was, but when you evaluated his expression, he honestly seemed conflicted about it.He _knew_ you didn’t care, but that didn’t change how he saw it.

You took the cup from his hand and placed it beside you so that you could take his hand in yours.“Look, _yes_ I was looking forward to the restaurant, _buuuuuut_ —“ you let the word hang in the air for a moment, a smile gracing your face “—I was _really_ just looking forward to spending time with you, like this, just the two of us, no deadlines looming overhead.Reservation or not, I’m happy I got to spend this wonderful evening with a wonderful gentleman.”You bopped him on the nose as a playful finale to your monologue, and he snorted a laugh.

“Fine, fine, I’ll take it, you sap,” he sighed, and the crooked grin you loved started forming on his face.“Now give me the ice cream back before it melts!”

The two of you stayed there to finish the cup before heading back to the car.As he drove the half hour back to the house, Saeyoung’s hand migrated from where it was holding yours on the center console to your bare thigh, exposed from your dress hiking up as you sat.His fingers brushed up and down, slowly, until they started creeping below the fabric.You could see him deviously smiling in the read view mirror.

“It’s late.Focus on driving,” you forced yourself to say.“When we get home.”

And he did not disappoint.The moment the garage door closed, his hands were back on you, first your hips to spin you around and then your face to steady it against his lips. Your own hands stuck to him in the same manner, one squeezing his shoulder, and the other buried in his hair.You stepped on the purse you’d dropped in the fray and slipped backwards, but his arm flew around your waist to catch you.

He walked you back, back, back, until the backs of your legs hit a cushion, and this time, you fell back onto the couch.You pulled him down with you by the collar of his shirt, and so began his assail from your jaw, dipping lower to your neck.Your head tilted to the side, and as his fingers came up to brush aside your dress sleeve, you sighed in bliss as your eyes slightly opened.

Then they widened, and you shoved Saeyoung off of you, to the side.He made a startled, “huh?” sound as he bounced on the cushion beside you.

Saeran, holding a glass of water, just stared at you, face slightly scrunched in disgust.

In your flustered state, you stumbled your way through a casual “Hey! Sorry, how’s your night been?” or something similar to that, so ever the hero, Saeyoung jumped in to bail you out.

“ _Oooooooo_ , Saeran, you _perv_!”

If you hadn’t been busy managing your composure, you would have smacked him.

It seemed like hours before Saeran finally said, “That’s the couch…”

“ _Righto!_ That’s what he gets for having the good eyes in the family!”

“People sit there…” he continued, and then his eyes widened in horror.“Please tell me you have _not_ used the couch for fu—“

“ _No!_ Absolutely not!We weren’t going to stay her—just a, um, detour?“

“Oh, I thought we were.”

“ _Saeyoung_!”

You looked to Saeran, who just shook his head before stalking back into the kitchen.You thought you heard him mutter, “those fucking _rabbits_ ,” but that also might have been the paranoia.

Saeyoung and you just sat there on the couch after he left, the only sound, really, being you trying to slow your breathing from that chaos.

“We should probably go to the bedroom,” he said.

“ _No, really_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lolololol another shorter unedited chapter ending in s e x but don't worry, in a few chapters the fun begins ;)) or I guess you could say it already has mmmmhmhmmhmhmh


	3. Sleeps and Needs

** Kissing so desperately that their whole body curves into the other person’s **

* * *

 

He wasn’t sleeping again.You could tell.

It really wasn’t the cold bedside that cued you in, this time, because he was there every night.He just wouldn’t sleep; he’d just lie there, holding you in his arms.

And, man, did you feel bad when you finally realized what had been happening.

Every once and a while, you’d be confronted with the reality that the living practical joke you loved had more to him than a well-timed quip.The silly antics and outrageous personality were definitely a part of him, but few people saw that he ran much deeper than that.

Saeyoung was deeply troubled, and he refused to admit it.His brother was as well, of course, but because of the extreme circumstances, he’d been attending weekly therapy sessions ever since you were able to convince him to go.It was Saeyoung’s suggestion, and when you mentioned that perhaps he should schedule his own, he laughed and shot you two finger guns.

Literally.

You first noticed when you were making breakfast before heading to your shift at Jaehee’s cafe.Saeyoung slunk into the kitchen, still in pajamas, and plopped himself onto one of the island chairs.As you walked past him to the coffee maker, you leaned down to give him a quick peck on the cheek, and uncharacteristically, he didn’t respond.

He was definitely out of it and showed all the physical signs: dark circles under half-closed eyes, more slouched than usual posture, gaze fixed on nothing, and not a hint of a smile on his face.

“You okay?” you asked, standing across from him.You poured yourself a cup and raised it to silently ask if he wanted one as well.You knew he’d say no.He didn’t drink coffee; he hated it.

His brows raised for a moment as he blinked.He shook his head.“Yeah… ‘m fine.”

You had an inkling that he was falling into a slump again, but you didn’t want to jump to conclusions.He became a little agitated when you started hovering around him with that mindset.

Still, you persisted with, “You sure?”

This time, he conjured up half of a smile and said, “I think ‘m still asleep.”

“Weirdo, go back to bed.”

“Mmm, okay.”

He stood back up and shuffled out of the kitchen, and that was that.When you got back after the seven hour shift, he was _somewhat_ back to normal, pestering his brother about who knows what.All you saw was the irritated “help” look that Saeran sent you from across the room.

The second thing you noticed was how he started to cling to you _more_.Not so much in the “tackled with hugs” sense; it was more subtle than that.He was just constantly looking to be touching you in any way, like holding your hand, or leaning his head against your back while you were working, on one occasion.It wasn’t that this was _unusual_ behavior.It just seemed like he _needed_ it as opposed to him _wanting_ it.

“I really can’t work like this,” you laughed as he slumped across your lap, seated in his own desk chair and lying over the arm of yours.

“Then don’t _wooooork_.”His whine was muffled by your pants.He was face down on your legs.

You ran your hand through his hair.“ _Aww_ , do you want attention?”

He looked up from the side.“I _always_ want attention,” he answered with a wink before returning to his original position.You took note of the still prominent circles under his eyes, but said nothing.You just continued to thread your fingers through his hair, and when your nails would lightly rake against his scalp, you could feel him sigh heavily.

The third realization drew you to action.

You knew he wasn’t sleeping, but he was in bed with you every night.Your plan was to pretend to sleep in an attempt to try and see what he was doing, but for whatever reason, you were more lethargic in the past few days, fatigued despite getting adequate sleep.The moment your eyes shut to begin your ploy, you were asleep.

As luck would have it, though, a shift beside you coaxed you from a dream, and in the haze between wake and rest, you groggily turned to face the disturbance.It took a minute of you squinting and blinking, trying to see what caused the bed to shift, to finally focus your gaze.

Saeyoung was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning forward with his back to you, resting his elbows on his knees.

You snapped awake. 

As you pushed yourself up, he straightened up a bit and turned his head to look at you.You were able to make out his faint, sheepish smile.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” he asked.His voice was pitched down, thicker, and held a gravely quality that told you one of two things: he was sick, or he had been crying.You knew it wasn’t the primer.

“Doesn’t matter,” you answered, swinging your legs around on the bed to sit cross legged beside him.“Why are you awake?”

“Ah, you know, hacker habits.”

“Liar.”

“It’s true!You know what PhD Pepper can _do_ to a man.I got up to take a leak, anyway, so…”He stood up abruptly, and you nearly fell forward as you grabbed his wrist.“MC, I gotta _goooo_.”His voice cracked mid-“go”, and the fact that he was trying to hide is crumbling resolve from you by using casual jokes broke your heart.

“Sit down,” you demanded firmly, and after some hesitation, he did with a sigh.You leaned your head forward and pressed your forehead against his shoulder.His shirt was slightly damp, and his skin was heated.“Are you okay?”

“Mhm.”

You exhaled and leaned back, looking up at him.“Are we going to do this every time?”

He stared at you.

“Really, I’m worried,” you whispered.

He huffed a laugh through his nose and shook his head.“Don’t be.”

“You telling me _not_ to worry just gives me more reason _to_ worry, dingus.”

There was no response.It was hard to make out his expression; the only light in the room came from a digital alarm clock and the glow produced by a charging laptop in the corner.You could really only make out when he spoke thanks to the contrast of his teeth to the rest of his face, and when he moved.

He shifted his body to face you so that one leg rested on the bed, while the other remained hanging off the side.His hand came up to the side of your face, underneath the curtain of hair, and his thumb brushed along your cheekbone.Then, he pulled you down with him to lie horizontally across the bed.The entire time, you just waited.You trusted that he would say something if you gave him his time.

Instead, he fixed himself over you, propping himself up with his forearms, and he kissed you.

At first, you stiffened.That wasn’t exactly the response you were going for, but you couldn’t stop your lips from melding with his, one of your hands wrapping around to his back, while the other holding the side of his face.And it started innocently, too, but each kiss left a deeper print and a stronger yearning for more.Before long, he was fully pressed against you, toned arms squeezing between your back and the mattress to hold you to him, and the air filled with gasps and heavy breaths between sloppy exchanges.The unfiltered need in the way he moved his lips against yours fogged any cognition, and the desperation with which he curled himself into you only drove you to meet his desire with the same fervor.

Then you felt moisture on your cheeks, and you realized what he was doing.

You nearly shoved him off of you as you sat up, still lightly panting.He rolled onto his back and flung the back of his forearm over the top half of his face.

“Did you just try to sex your way out of this?” you asked, honestly stunned.

Still, he didn’t answer.

That kind of… hurt.The fact that he’d use something of intimacy to his advantage, to _distract_ you from your pursuit, left a bitter taste in your mouth, and you were surprised to notice the familiar sensation of tears pricking the backs of your eyes.A few blinks, and they were gone, but still, as much as that bothered you, you didn’t think it was something to cry over.Weird.

Nonetheless, you breathed, “ _Saeyoung_ ,” and the offed way you said it finally got him to speak.

“I’m sorry,” he lamented, followed by a loud swallow.The waver in his voice was still present.“I’m sorry.”

You found it hard to remain resentful when there was clearly a third variable at play, so you let it melt away as you whispered, “Please don’t do that.”You could just barely make out his minuscule nod.

With a sigh, you laid yourself back down beside him, and with a gentle hand, you pushed his arm away from his face.It was your turn to lean over him.You couldn’t see it, but as you swept your fingers along the side of his face, you caught a tear.

“Why are you crying?” you asked softly.

No response.

You lowered yourself to brush your lips affectionately against his cheekbone, and his breath shuddered.“Please talk to me,” you murmured.

He brought the heel of his palm up and pressed it against one of his eyes.“I don’t know,” he finally spilled.You rested your own hand against his chest as a silent confirmation of your support.“I really, I don’t—I’m _so_ tired!”

“You can’t sleep?”You kept your own voice tender, even as his started to rise.

“ _No_ , every _fucking_ time I—all I see—I can’t—!”His breaths started coming in shallow spurts, and beneath your hand, you felt his heart rate pick up.You started rubbing small, slow circles with your pointer finger in the middle of his chest, similar to what he would do whenever you were upset, and you waited for him to calm down.

It took a while for him to slow his breathing to the point where he could actually talk, but you didn’t mind.

When he did, you asked, “You’re having nightmares again?”

He nodded, and you put your head against his chest.He took a deep breath, arms instinctively wrapping around you.You felt his hands trembling.

“Do you want to talk about them?”

“Heh, not really.”

“It might help.”

“I really don’t.”

“You’ve never tried it before.”

“Please… stop.”

You knew when to back off.You hummed an “okay” and lied there with him.You listened to his heart go from hammering to soft taps and his breaths transition from shuddery to steady, albeit, not without a few hitches.

And then he said, “They’ve just been… bad.”

You lifted your head and put your chin against his chest.“Bad, how?”

“Just…”He sighed through his nose in frustration.“I’m doing things that I can’t control.And… Jesus, it’s just _messing_ me up.”

You thought about that for a moment.“Okay, you know you’d never do those things in real life, right?”A nod.“And you know that if you ever _do_ slip up, I’ll be here to catch you, right?”A small smile and another nod.“ _And_ you know that I love you, no matter what, right?”

“Yeah,” he whispered.“I love you, too.”

“There we go.”You pressed another kiss against his lips, and he leaned into it with delight.“Try sleeping.”

The two of you returned to your places under the covers, you half splayed over his body, head tucked under his chin, with his hand resting against your waist.He didn’t sleep through until the alarm went off, jolted awake by another horror, but you were still there to lull him back to sleep, as you always would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone catch those quick lil hints about the future mhmhmhmm ;)) also I love all sides of Saeyoung the boy needs his less happy side to feel the love too #LoveAllSaeyoung


	4. Informal Meeting

** Throwing their arms around the other person, holding them close while they kiss **

* * *

 

His glasses were skewed, he was on his third can of soda in the past hour alone, and his wavy hair was in desperate need of at least a finger combing.He was sitting at the table with his face buried in his arms; the only indication that he was still awake was his thumb, tapping away at the wood to an unknown beat.You weren’t convinced that his inactivity was due to the lack of sleep he’d had.He was obviously still tired, and it was definitely a factor, but considering that he whined the entire drive over, you were thinking that he was mostly miffed about having to _come_ to the cafe.

Funny enough, that was proof to you that he was on the mend. 

The previous night had been a rollercoaster, and while you were ecstatic that you could get him to open up about his current troubles, you were feeling the effects of a disrupted sleep.It really didn’t help that you woke up feeling a bit… _off_.You felt bloated and the slightest bit queasy, but such symptoms were typical around your time of the month, so you didn’t worry too much.

Beside him, Yoosung and Saeran chatted, while across the table, Jumin was writing on a notepad.Zen was standing on the other side of the counter to you and Jaehee, waiting to help you both carry the plates of pastries and pots of coffee and tea. 

“Is he okay?” Zen asked.He pointed his thumb in the direction of the table.

“If he keeps drinking soda at _that_ rate, he won’t be,” you mumbled under your breath. Then with a sigh, you answered, “Yeah, he’s probably just tired.”

Zen’s eyes widened in mock surprise.“I didn’t think he could _get_ tired!”

“ _Everyone_ _can get tired_.”

The two of you cast a glance at Jaehee, who stilled her hand in arranging the plating.She looked remarkably serious about her statement, and you debated on whether or not to ask if _she_ was alright.Then you just figured that she was alluding to her job-from-hell as Jumin’s assistant.

Instead, Zen sighed, “I hear you… we have a different director for the next production, and she’s _merciless_!”He groaned and dropped his head forward.“ _Totally_ doesn’t understand my acting style… we’re redoing the same scenes _over_ and _over_ again!”

“Sorry about that.”You put a hand on his shoulder.“But don’t worry.When it’s performance time—“ you and Jaehee shared a knowing look “—we’ll _be_ there!”

Zen chuckled and looked up.“Well, with two _lovely_ ladies cheering me on, I _suppose_ it might be worthwhile.”

The two of you laughed and you spared a glance at Jaehee, whose cheeks had developed a slight rosy tinge in response to the flirtatious comment.You wondered if she’d ever admit her feelings for him.Maybe one day.

“We should get these over to the table.Saeran’s starting to look crabby.”You lifted your share of the load, and the three of you headed back over to the others.

“ _Finally_!” Yoosung cried, eagerly reaching for a pastry.“I was about to go over and get it myself!”

“ _Yeesh_ , sorry.I didn’t know you were being starved,” Zen replied as he took his seat at the round table beside Saeran.Jaehee sat down between him and Jumin, which left you with your seat next to Saeyoung, who lifted his head slightly to view the commotion.

As you sat, you picked up a plate from the tray and handed it to Saeran.“Specially made for you,” you said.On the plate was a small cup of custard accompanied by a chocolate croissant.The other plates had muffins and donuts on them as typical brunch-time treats, but you had noticed that Saeran tended to avoid heavy, starchy desserts, regardless of whether it would satisfy his sweet tooth.So you ended up making the custard at the counter and swiping the last chocolate croissant from the pastry display case for him.

Saeran’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but he took the plate with a quiet, “Thanks.”

As you all settled in—both you and Jaehee keeping one eye on the door; you hadn’t closed the cafe since it was usually fairly vacant this time on a work day, but you never knew—Jumin stopped writing and handed his notepad to Yoosung, who shuffled it into his bag.You mentally applauded him for his continued dedication to his internship with Jumin.

Idle chatter started up among the members, and you gently put your hand on Saeyoung’s back.“How’re you feeling, champ?” you asked quietly.

He shifted his head sideways to look up at you.His glasses slanted up and out from in front of his eyes, and he blinked to adjust to the blur.“Better…”

“ _Buuuut_?”

He shot up, successfully scaring Yoosung beside him and drawing the attention of the rest of the table.“ _I just wanted to have the day cuddling with my_ adorable _wife, but I’ve been forced here and I still don’t know_ why!”He dramatically concluded by flopping towards you, draping his arms around your shoulders.The impact _nearly_ sent you off of your chair. 

“Zen has competition for group drama queen,” Saeran muttered.

“I— _hey_!”Zen shot a look at Saeran, who took a spoonful of his dessert to conceal the _tiny_ quirk in the corner of his lips.He sighed, then turned his attention to Jumin.“Anyway, _you_ said you wanted to hold a meeting, _and_ have it here, _and_ you still haven’t told us why.”

Jumin glanced up from his cup of tea.“I had assumed it was apparent that this was a meeting held for a party discussion.”

“Isn’t that _why_ we have the app?”Yoosung asked.“Why are we meeting here?We really shouldn’t talk about it in public…”

“Jaehee had agreed to close the cafe during the duration of the meeting.”

“I… did _not_ agree to that?”  She stated it as a question.

Jumin blinked.“Oh, I had just figured that was the case because of the lack of other patrons.”

“ _Savage_ ,” Saeyoung whispered in your ear.He was still slumped on you.

Before you could explain _why_ the cafe was empty, Zen accurately cried, “It’s almost noon on a _work_ day!Sorry not everyone can afford to just skip out for coffee and muffins!”

“And yet you, a working actor, are here.”

“ _Ooh_ , and I’m _never_ going to hear the end of that from this director!”

“Okay, kids, knock it off,” you intervened, tapping the table with your hand.“We’ll never get anywhere if we don’t let the man _speak_.”

“I love it when you assert yourself.Bring _that_ to the bedroom,” Saeyoung joked, still whispering but _just_ loud enough to be heard by anyone nearby.

“Oh, _no_!Saeran, switch seats with me!”Yoosung’s face scrunched up with displeasure as he turned to face Saeran.

Saeran shook his head.“Give me peace for one hour.”

“Dude, are you only eating the chocolate out of that croissant?” Zen asked.

He didn’t answer and instead said, “Jumin, please continue.”

“Thank you.”He dove into his speech, informing that he’d ideally like to have the next RFA party within the next six months, new guests to reach out to, which venue to use.He droned on for a while, and with his monotonous tone of voice, you realized that he _actually_ put Saeyoung to sleep.You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing.

Jumin turned to you.“What’s funny about catering?”

“No, nothing at all.Ignore me.”

By the time you were all finished, Zen was sprinting out of there to make it back to the theater before his director got _too_ angry.Jumin called him dramatic before leaving to meet Driver Kim outside, and Yoosung had to run after him because he’d forgotten that he had no other ride back.Jaehee—with you as backup—had already returned to work before the official “end” of Jumin’s piece since customers had started lining up again, so that just left the twins sitting at the table.Saeyoung had fallen back asleep (after your interruption, Jumin quickly realized why you had actually laughed.Needless to say, he wasn’t too pleased), but since Saeran didn’t have the car keys, he had to wake up his brother to get back home.

He did this by swiping Saeyoung’s arm out from under him.

Saeyoung had been dozing with his cheek in his palm, elbow propped on the table, but the moment he felt himself fall, he jerked back up.“ _Why?_ ”

“I want to go home.”

Saeyoung started whining about leaving you behind, and you reminded him that you actually _worked_ there.Then, he started on about how it wasn’t your shift, and you shushed him because he would start disrupting the ambiance of the cafe.When he pointed out that you didn’t have your car, and abandoning you would leave you stranded considering you lived in the boonies, you apologized to Jaehee that you couldn’t be her backup.

She laughed, “I didn’t expect you to put on the apron to begin with,” and the three of you headed home with Saeran at the wheel, much to his brother’s dismay.

When you got there, you went to the bedroom to change into comfier clothing, Saeyoung close behind, and once you entered the room, he closed the door behind him and tackled you onto the bed.

“What are you doing?” you asked, a smile evident in your voice.

His face was buried in your shoulder, so his voice was muffled by your shirt.“I said I wanted to spend the day cuddling with my wife, and I _will_.”

You wanted to say that you had work to do, but to be honest, you were still feeling run down, even if it didn’t show through your behavior.The plush comforter underneath you mixed with the familiar scent of Saeyoung as well as the warmth emitted from him was too irresistible.The invitation emails could be answered later.

“Sounds good to me,” you answered.You craned your neck down to kiss the top of his head, complete with an unnecessary smack of your lips and an exaggerated _mwah_! 

He looked up, smiling, and wrapped his arms tighter around you.You took his glasses off lest they be crushed by someone’s body weight, and his lips were on yours the second you twisted back from the nightstand.

You could feel his chest rising against yours with every breath, one of his thumbs tracing patterns on your back, and the slight itch his bangs created as they brushed against your forehead.He held you against him firmly, yet still delicate as if you could shatter if he pressed too hard, and still somewhat shaken from his past days of turmoil, you understood his current neediness to just have you close by.You wondered if you had been in his dreams, but decided not to dwell on it.

Instead, you threw your arms around him as well and lied there with your husband, content to just call it a lazy day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a huge fan of this chapter ngl but I wanted to get something out before the next three or so days, because I'll be focused on some other things then! I apologize if there was some out of characterness or repetition or anything "no" about this chapter!
> 
> The REAL fun begins in two chapters ;);):):))):))):):;;)):):);;;))


	5. Movie Talk

** Hands on the other person’s back, fingertips pressing under their top, drawing gentle circles against that small strip of bare skin that make them break the kiss with a gasp **

* * *

 

You were always hesitant to watch movies with Saeyoung at home.In the theater, fine, he was as behaved as could be, but at home, he had the habit of commenting on _every_ single detail.He just found issue with everything, from the set design to the costumes to the _slightest_ slip up in a faked accent.At first, it was cute; it was one of the little quirks you loved about him.

Now, you just wanted to watch a damn movie without the experience being spoiled.

“That’s _not_ what French sounds like.”

“Shut up and watch the movie.”

“I’ll shut up when _he_ does.”

You groaned, picked up the pillow to your left, and started smacking it against Saeyoung’s torso.“You’re.Ruining.The.Movie,” you said between hits.

“Assault!Madame!This is assault!” he cried.“Call the police!Someone!”

“I _am_ the police!You’re going to _jail_ , bub!” 

He gasped, “What’s my crime?”

“ _Being irritating_.”

He caught your pillow and easily pried it from your hands before turning the assail onto you.“I want my phone call!”

“I want to watch _the movie._ ”You made a move to take the pillow back, defending yourself with your forearms, but Saeyoung chucked it behind him into some corner of the room.Before you could admonish him for possibly ruining one of the decorative pillows—things he said were totally unnecessary, but you disagreed and bought them anyway—he launched _himself_ on top of you, digging his fingers into your sides.

You shrieked, “ _Sto—Saeyoung, no!_ ”Or at least you tried.Frankly, anything said while you were being tickled was drowned out by your laughter and occasional snorts. 

“Admit that it’s a bad movie!”

“Ever—everymovie to—to— _oh my god_!”You couldn’t get a coherent sentence out.In a last ditch attempt to save yourself, you bent your knees and pressed the balls of your feet against his hips before kicking him off.

And the sneaky bastard grabbed your hand as he fell backwards onto the other side of the couch, leaving you to flop forward in an uncomfortable half-folded position, bent at the waist.The aching pain that followed the abrupt stretch did little to stop the counterstrike, and you quickly made your move to climb on top of Saeyoung, knees on either side of his hips.You realized that, at this point, he really wasn’t fighting back.The smug little grin he wore was more than enough to tell you.

While seated on him and with your hands flat against his pecs, you stuck your tongue out.“I hope you’re ready to rewind back to the beginning.”

His head flopped down against the armrest, and he groaned, “ _Noooo_!It’s _so_ bad, though!”

“Why can’t you appreciate a good plot line?”

“Why can’t you see that it’s a _terrible_ plot line?”

You sniffed, “I bet Saeran would watch this movie with me, _without_ complaint.Why don’t I go ask him, instead?”You made your move to get off of him to track down the other Choi, but Saeyoung gripped your hips and forced you back down.

“Trying to get back at me by seducing my brother, yet _again_!My wife is a—“

“ _Seductress_?” you completed.

“Well, I was going to say ten-dollar-whore, but—“

“ _Saeyoung_!”Your jaw fell open, and you smacked his upper arm.

He smiled, a bit sheepish.“I’m just _kidding_.I’m sorry; I didn’t mean it.” 

Slightly put off by the vulgar comment, you pursed your lips in contemplation.“I’ll forgive you if you actually _watch_ the movie without nitpicking,” you said.

“I’m not nitpicking!If he’s trying to pass for a native speaker, he’s failing!”

“Okay, have fun being cuckolded.”You started to get off him again, and again, he held you to him, this time placing a hand flat against your back to have you lie down on top of him.

“ _Okay okay okaaay_ ,” he finally relented.“The things I do for _love_.”He sighed with flourish before reaching over to the coffee table to restart the movie, and you smiled to yourself at your victory, settling more comfortably against him.

The movie, though, soon became nothing more than background noise. 

In all honesty, you think you started it by pressing a kiss to his jaw, which led to a series of exchanging slow, lazy kisses.Your fingers pressed along the underside of his hairline, while his gradually made their way down to the gap between your pajama shorts and t-shirt (which, admittedly, was just one of his).When the pads of his fingers delicately brushed against your lower back, barely touching, chills ran up your neck, and you pulled back with a slight inhale.

You pushed yourself up a bit more, looking down at Saeyoung.

He was sporting a passive smile, eyes half closed in bliss, and the steady breathing beneath you drew you in like a lullaby.He looked euphoric, but not in the boisterous way he typically presented himself to be.In the dim lighting of the television screen, past midnight, with an (honestly) lackluster film playing with the volume down low, Saeyoung looked so undeniably happy and in love that your heart physically ached with how much you cared for this man.You could feel the affection radiating off of him as he just stared at you in silence, fully content to spend hours doing _just that_.

“I love you,” you said, unprompted and unnecessary but feeling the need to just _say it_.

The corner of his lips twitched up before settling back into his lazy grin.“I love you, too.”

Oh, and his voice.Tired and slightly gruff with a raspy quality that dragged at the end of each word.You could listen to that until you died.

Good thing that’s what you planned on doing.

You settled back down against him, more over to the side, this time, so that you could actually look him in the eye.He twisted his head around to follow.

“Fifty years from now, where do you think we’ll be?” you asked quietly.

He shifted his hold around you to accommodate the new position.After humming in thought, he answered, “Maybe somewhere small, like Boseong or maybe over on Jeju.I think that once we get old and wrinkly, we’ll just want to be somewhere quiet.”He pursed his lips before continuing, “But, of course, I’ll have to build something like this over there.Just in case.”

“I wasn’t talking about location wise, stupid,” you said with an overdramatic huff.He shrugged and lightly tugged on a chunk of your hair in slight protest.You pinched his arm in response.“But when you’re old and wrinkly, do you _seriously_ think that you’ll be raring to build a bunker?”

“Mm, you’re right.Maybe we’ll just stay wild and set up shop in Busan.”

“What about Seoul?”

He made a _tsk_ sound.“ _Way_ too predictable!Think of all the tourists!”

“You think Busan’s going to be any better?”

“Hey, _you_ asked.”He tugged at your hair again.“Besides, I don’t think the capital is the best place to watch over our gaggle of grandchildren.”

You couldn’t stop the fond smile in response to his comment.“You’re not even twenty-five, and you’re thinking about grandchildren?”

“Yeah, you’re right, but considering how attractive _our_ kids will be, I doubt they’ll have any trouble _making_ them.”

You snorted, but didn’t respond.He was starting to fall asleep, you could tell, and you briefly contemplated whether or not you should bring up what had been weighing on your mind the past few days.The fatigue, constant lethargy, ebbs of nausea every now and then, and the constant need to _pee_ had all started cuing you in on what might be happening, but you weren’t sure.While you were late by a few days this month, such an occurrence wasn’t rare, so you’d wait a few more days—maybe a week—before you shared your thoughts.

You knew Saeyoung wanted to have a family, to have kids and go to their parent-teacher conferences with an overwhelming sense of domesticity and “ordinary”, and you weren’t opposed to the idea either.It was just that neither of you had seriously spoken about it happening any time soon; it was always “when” and “in the future” talk. 

You were so wrapped up in your own thoughts, you didn’t realize Saeyoung had _actually_ fallen asleep.You slowly reached up to remove his glasses, and you tossed them onto a stray magazine on the coffee table; it skittered across and _almost_ fell off but stopped just before the edge.Then you snuggled back down against him and closed your eyes.

If you were still late by then, you’d bring it up in a week.No need to jump the gun just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this chapter is out so late/super short! I'm on vacation at the moment (about 12 hours difference between this and my home country ;; ), so please bear with me  
> Anyway, hohohohohohohoo things are spicing up w that pergency talk ;);;;)););))


	6. Speculation

** Lazy morning kisses before they’ve even opened their eyes, still mumbling half-incoherently, not wanting to wake up **

* * *

 

“I’m thinking…”

“Think faster.You’re blocking other people.”

“You’re so _mean_ to me…”Saeyoung sighed and pushed his cart along the fresh produce baskets, scanning for the corresponding items on the list you’d given him.You were feeling more under the weather than you had been, so instead of doing it yourself, you had sent Saeyoung—who ended up dragging Saeran along after his therapy session—to buy the groceries for this week.

But he was struggling.

You had a particular way about choosing food items, especially for fruits and vegetables; Whether it be listening for a specific sound as you tapped a watermelon, or analyzing how far the stem sinks into an avocado, you had an instinct for picking the best produce.Considering the prices for most of them, it was a skill you were lucky to have.Saeyoung, however, just couldn’t figure out how to master it.

“How do you know if cantaloupes are ripe?” he asked Saeran.

Saeran shrugged and answered, “Just choose one.”

“But she’ll be disappointed if I don’t get the _best_ ones,” he persisted.

“She knowingly sent _you_ to buy groceries.I think she knows what she’ll end up getting.”

“You have no faith in me!”

“I, honestly, have no idea how you’re even married.”

Saeyoung threw his hands up, startling an older woman standing beside him.“Because I have the _cutest_ face that the _cutest_ wife happens to _love_!”

“Thanks for the compliment, I guess.”As Saeyoung gaped, Saeran took the fruit out of his brother’s hand and put it back into the pile.“And don’t fondle the fruits; they’re expensive.”

“I wasn’t fondling… ‘was feeling for ripeness…”

Saeran rolled his eyes and snagged a produce bag from one of the wheels, shaking it out and opening it for use.Then, he picked a handful of persimmons at random (giving _no_ consideration for the quality of each one, Saeyoung whined) and nearly tossed them into the cart.He did the same with tomatoes, the fruit that was actually _on_ the list, and with one hand steering the front, dragged Saeyoung out of the produce section.

“It doesn’t require drama,” Saeran said.

Saeyoung slumped forward so that his chin was propped on crossed arms, resting on the handle bar of the cart.Saeran was taking over and leading, after all, so all Saeyoung could do was pretend to push in order to make himself feel _somewhat_ useful.

“What else does she want?”

Saeyoung pulled out his phone to look at the list you texted him.They had gotten everything else; now, all that was left was, “Red meat,” he answered.“She wants beef… erm…” He looked at the notation you wrote next to it:

“ _Lots and lots.Get a week’s worth.No other meat necessary_. (´°ω°`)”

Saeran looked at Saeyoung to continue, who finalized, “She just wants a lot of it.”

“I don’t understand that woman,” Saeran sighed, and at Saeyoung’s mockingly shocked gasp, he added, “But as long as she’s cooking and you’re not, I don’t care.”

“All I am is slandered by this family!” Saeyoung cried.

“It’s not slander if it’s the truth.”

The two made their way to the meat counter, bickering as siblings do the entire way, and Saeyoung got a number to wait for his turn on line.There were a few people milling around the glass case of various cuts and slabs of meat with only one person working the counter.He figured it would take a bit before his number was called, so he settled the cart off to the side and waited.

He did not miss Saeran anxiously fidgeting beside him, but he didn’t bring it up.He knew Saeran wouldn’t appreciate it.

As they waited, Saeyoung noticed the sudden swell of people in the crowded area, all congesting the single route to get back to the rest of the store.He looked over at the screen to see which number was being served.

_34_ , he read, and then looked back down to his slip of paper. _And I’m 37_.It wouldn’t be too long now.

“Let’s just forget the meat,” Saeran said suddenly, and Saeyoung looked up.

“What?”

“Just… let’s go.We don’t need it.”

Saeyoung blinked.“But she asked for it?”

“She’ll live without _meat_.”Saeran looked antsy, to say the least.His eyes kept flashing from person to person, but with subtlety, as if he didn’t want anyone to know where his thoughts lay.He tugged on Saeyoung’s sweatshirt sleeve.“Come on.”

“It shouldn’t be that long of a wait,” Saeyoung tried, and at Saeran’s quiet, distressed sigh, he reached into his pocket for the car keys.“Why don’t you wait in the car; I’ll finish up here.”

Saeran didn’t move, so with one glance to the cart, Saeyoung hooked his arm around his brother’s and ushered him out of the area, only expending a few “excuse me”s.Once they were in the open, Saeran snatched the car keys and stalked away, leaving Saeyoung to stare at his back as it disappeared among the aisles.He knew that Saeran got nervous in such confined crowds, but he decided to dwell on it later; _37_ was now flashing on the screen. 

He asked for what seemed like a reasonable amount of “lots of beef”, but the “You having a party?” asked in response made him rethink it.Ah, well, you'd sort it out when he got home.With the final item in tow, Saeyoung made his way to the cashiers, but not before pausing in front of a specific aisle by the front.Their local grocery store was inside of a larger general store, and he ended up glancing into the _Feminine Hygiene_ aisle. 

Saeyoung wasn't dense, and the shift in his wife’s habits certainly didn't go unnoticed.Maybe his tendency to pick up on the (incredibly) little things was in part due to all of the training he'd undergone for the agency, but regardless, he was scrutinizingly attentive.He noticed how often you'd been using the restroom lately, how your diet started shifting (particularly, with an aversion to coffee, which, _you worked part time in a coffee shop; how could he not notice?_ ), and how frequently ill you'd been feeling.At first, he just assumed you were making a mild lifestyle change, like one of those pseudoscience internet diets that promoted drinking excessive amounts of juice or tea, so he didn't think much of it.But recently, he had realized—and he was, albeit, kind of embarrassed to have even picked up on it—that there wasn't the surplus of toilet paper invading the bathroom waste bin this month.He wasn't stupid; he could put two and two together.

Of course he'd thought about the possibility that you were pregnant.The question was, had _you_? 

If you knew, surely you would have brought it up with him already, wouldn't you?

So then came the inevitable anxiety over this.Maybe you were rethinking whether or not you ever wanted kids.Maybe, without telling him, you were going to get an--

He didn't want to think about that.

He did, however, really want to know.But as he debated if he should buy a pregnancy test _for_ _you_ or not, he finally decided against it.It'd probably send the wrong message, so he opted to just wait for you to say it.With verbal prompting and or hinting, if necessary.

Saeyoung stood for a few more moments before heading over to the cashiers.He paid for his food, momentarily gaping at the end price of it all, and headed out to his car.After he loaded the trunk and backseat with the bags, he slid into the driver’s seat.

Saeran was sitting in the passenger’s side with earbuds in and eyes closed.His arms were crossed tightly across his chest, and he looked as if he was sleeping. 

Saeyoung knew better than that. 

He tugged one of the earbuds out of Saeran’s ear and was subsequently met with a glare that could put Jumin’s to shame.

“That’s a _sin_ ,” Saeran hissed.

Saeyoung gasped.“I didn’t know there was an _eleventh_ commandment!Thou Shalt Not Pull Out Thy Brother’s Headphones?” 

Saeran rolled his eyes and cast his gaze out of his window.Saeyoung didn't start the car yet; he was thinking of how to approach what had happened in the store.He didn't want to put Saeran off, nor did he want him to think he was interrogating him, but he wanted to make sure that his brother was okay.

Saeran knew Saeyoung too well, and muttered, “Fucking Christ” before turning back to say, “You're so obvious, you know?I just didn't want to be there.”

“First of all, _that's_ actually a sin.”Saeyoung pointed at his brother in accusation, and Saeran scoffed as he swatted his hand away.“Second of all, I'm just checking in on you.”

“I don’t like crowds.I’m fine.”

“Uh huh.”Saeyoung leaned back into his seat as he thought about that response.Then, he laughed, “We really _are_ twins.”

“That's not a compliment, this time.”

Saeyoung feigned offense.“ _Excuse me_!Anyone would _love_ to be my twin!” 

“Not talking about that.Repressing every negative feeling is unhealthy, and I _know_ we both do that, but I don't have to talk to _you_ about it because I pay someone for that.”Saeran shot his brother a smug, tight smile when Saeyoung’s eyes widened, brows raised.“I think you'd benefit from it.Now, let’s go.”

“But—wait—“ Saeyoung sputtered “ _I’m_ paying for it!”

“And it’d do you good to pay for _yourself_ , too.”

There was silence between Saeyoung’s incredulous stare and Saeran’s ever serious expression.Saeyoung didn’t know how to answer, and Saeran didn’t know why he had said it in the first place.Both brothers knew that they were inching into a dangerous topic, but neither had the sense to stop it.

“Where’s this coming from?” Saeyoung finally asked, his voice quieting.

Saeran shrugged, bashful, and broke eye contact, looking down at the center console.“I’m just checking in on you, too.”

Saeyoung wanted to enjoy the fact that his brother cared about him enough to worry about that, that his brother _loved him_ enough for it, but he couldn’t.It was ironic, really.He’d been dreaming of having this relationship—Saeran’s deadpanned insults included—for years; he’d been dreaming of a day when he and his brother could have deeper conversations and work out all they had been through, together.But this was too real for him right now, too close.The car started shrinking, his clothes felt hotter and tighter, and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears, so to calm himself down, he did the only thing he knew how to do.

“ _O-m-g_ ,” he whispered, breaking into a scripted grin.“ _You_ do _care_.”

“You’re an awful actor.”

Fuck.

Plan-B.

Saeyoung sighed, “Let’s talk about it later.I have a potentially pregnant wife at home who’s craving red meat, so I have to deliver.”

He stuck the key into the ignition and revved the engine, just in time to drown out Saeran’s, “ _What?She’s pregnant?!_ ” with the sudden blast of music from the radio.

***

You were woken up in the middle of the night by Saeyoung crawling into bed with you.He had been working late that day, not really so much because he _had to_ , but more because he was thinking more on how to ask about his thoughts.In the end, he didn’t find a way bring it up without being… well… _rude_.In every scenario, it seemed as if he was commenting on your weight—in his defense, your _bust_ had grown just a _little_ —or personality.He _really_ didn’t want to tick you off, _especially_ over such a life changing topic, so to prepare for the upcoming week, a time during which he was _determined_ to discuss it, he rushed through his assignments for the next _two_.His coding was messier than usual, but the program still ran seamlessly.It’d just be a pain in the ass to find any specific variable or error that might arise in the future.

Whatever.He’d deal with it then.

“Wha—?”

“ _Shh_ , sorry,” he whispered back, lying on his stomach right beside you with an arm wrapping around your waist.

You were out again as soon as he settled in.He followed suit.

But with the rising sun, you were drawn from slumber before your alarm went off.You went to turn over to your other side in an attempt to get more comfortable, and your nose brushed against Saeyoung’s.By habit, you pursed your lips and gently kissed him, still half asleep, and eyes still closed.Your movement alone was enough to wake him up as well.Whether he was actually conscious enough to reciprocate or was also being driven by habit, he copied your actions, tightening his grip around your torso and pulling you, if possible, closer to him.

“Morning…?” he sighed against your mouth.

“Beats me.”

The two of you lied there, relishing in the attention of one another, and on the precipice of sinking back into sleep, you groaned as you separated yourself from him.He whined about being cold, and you mumbled, “Gotta pee.”

As you stumbled your way through the darkness to the master bathroom, he snapped awake. _Ask_ , demanded a voice in the back of his head.

Unbeknownst to him, you were experiencing the same dilemma.At this point, you were _acutely_ aware of the fact that your period was a week late, at earliest; your body was aching, _particularly_ around your chest, and you were feeling profoundly bloated.At the thought of carrying a developing child—yours and _Saeyoung’s_ child—your heart twisted with affection and your stomach fluttered with anxiety.You had to voice your thoughts to him.You _had_ to.

So after you finished using the restroom, you quickly made your way back to the bed and found him propped up on his side using his elbow. 

The clock read to be a bit past 6, and you sighed happily at the fact that you didn’t have to get ready for about forty-five minutes.You snuggled back under the covers and copied his body language.

“You’ve had the bladder of a squirrel, lately,” he said quietly, hoping that was enough of a prompt.

You filled your cheeks with air and blew it out in his face.He laughed about your morning breath.You rolled your eyes, making a point to blow more air at him.His arm draped around you again, and he stared at you with a half smile.

You leaned forward a bit so that your forehead was resting against his collarbone.“Well,” you started, “I’m kind of late this month.”

If you noticed his sigh of relief, you didn't say anything.Perhaps his agonizing thoughts were a bit over dramatic, after all.

“Really,” he replied, trying to keep casual, like he hadn't been thinking of nothing but this conversation for days on end.“Do you think you're…?”He just let it hang there.He'd let you finish the thought.

You huffed a laugh with your face still buried under his neck.“I don't know.I might be.”

“Are you okay with that?”

You looked up.“I guess we'll see when it's a confirmed thing.I mean, at this point, it's all speculation.”Then, you swallowed, and your eyes darted to the side before connecting with Saeyoung’s again.“Are you… okay with it?If it's a real thing?”

Saeyoung started laughing, deep and hearty and joyful.It was so loud in comparison to the quiet conversation you’d just been having that you jolted back in surprise.He quickly wrapped you back into him, grinning so hard that his eyes were closed.“As long as _I’m_ the dad, of _course_ I’m okay with it.”

“Hmm, probably about time I tell you about those five affairs I’ve been having.Six, including Saeran.” 

Despite your joke, his excitement couldn’t help but stir a similar sensation within you.If this really was happening, it was sure to be your biggest adventure together yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these brothers way more than my own lolololoolol it begins


	7. Testing, Testing, 1-2-3

** Routine kisses where the other person presents their cheek/forehead for the hello/goodbye kiss without even looking up from what they’re doing **

* * *

 

“Okay, I'm heading out,” you said, standing from the kitchen island stool.You dumped your empty cereal bowl in the sink and turned back around to Saeyoung.

He was tapping away on his phone, presumably on the messenger.Still in his pajamas, he still had half of his breakfast to go before he would force himself to go back to “work”. 

He didn’t look up from his screen as he answered, “Mmkay, love you.” He was obviously transfixed on whatever he was looking at, and when you walked over to give him a quick kiss, he only tilted his head to offer his cheek.You snorted but nonetheless gave him a light peck before heading to work.

The cafe opened at 7:00AM every morning, but since you lived a solid hour away— _if_ there was no traffic—your shift officially started at 8:30.You had told Jaehee over and over again that it was unnecessary, that you could start working when _she_ did, but she refused to make your shift earlier.In the beginning, you showed up as soon as she flipped the sign around from _closed_ to _open,_ but eventually, you just took what you were given and remained grateful for not only her generosity and friendship, but for the extra time you had in the morning.

That day, however, you were definitely off your game, primarily because of the prospect of your pregnancy.During your lunch break, you had run out to “buy some chips”, or so you told Jaehee as to not raise any suspicion, but the three pregnancy tests that you had bought felt glaringly present as they rested in your purse, so you spilled your concerns to her.

You probably should have picked a better time, too.The woman that Jaehee was ringing up wished you an uncomfortable “Congratulations?” before striding out of the cafe.

“So you don’t know for certain?” she asked after getting over the initial shock.

You shook your head.“No, I told Saeyoung that it was only a possibility… but, I mean, all signs point to yes.”

“You don’t seem thrilled.”

You huffed a laugh.“It’s not so much that I’m not happy.It’s more that this is all just… unexpected.”

Jaehee thought about that for a moment before smiling gently, taking your hand in hers.“I don’t quite know what you want me to say,” she started, and you offered a sheepish smile.“But nonetheless, I have no doubt that, _if_ —“ she stressed the word _if_ “—you _really_ are going to have a baby, you’ll be a wonderful mother.”A sly, slightly uncharacteristic smirk crossed her face as she added, “Besides, you’re practically mothering the twins as it is.What can one more child do?”

You laughed and gave her a hug.Jaehee was barely older than you were, but everything she said seemed to allay your worries with her infinite wisdom.You counted yourself lucky to have her as a friend.

Back at the bunker, Saeyoung took a break from his frantic internet searching on how to be a father to go and look for Saeran.He found his brother sitting at the kitchen table eating yogurt with fruit.And an obvious mound of sugar on the top.

“ _That’s_ healthy,” Saeyoung commented as he took the seat next to Saeran.

Saeran narrowed his eyes.“Talk to me about my diet after you stop drinking nothing but soda.”

“ _Okay,_ you eat enough ice cream to feed a small village!”

“They’d probably be better sustained on the carbs of all of the chips _you_ eat.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong.

Saeyoung shot Saeran a snap-into-a-finger-gun.“ _Touché_.”

Saeran took another bite before sighing and putting his spoon down.“I’m not going to eat in peace until you leave, so what do you want?”Before Saeyoung could make an animated defense about how he _just_ wanted to spend some quality time together, Saeran added, “I know you don’t plan to sit here just to watch me eat.” 

Silence.

“ _Oh my god, are you serious?_ ”

“ _No_!I’m not here for _that_!” Saeyoung cried.

“Great.What do you want?”Saeran raised a glass of water to his lips as he gave a pointed look to his brother.

“ _Weeeelll_ , what if I told you that you were going to be… an _uncle_!” 

As one would see in a cartoon, Saeyoung expected Saeran to spray water across the table as he coughed in surprise, or maybe even slam his glass back down, or _something_.But instead, Saeran just stared at him as he finished his drink and calmly set the cup beside his bowl.

“Okay.”

“ _What!_ Life is about to change _drastically_ and all you say is ‘ _okay_ ’?” he exclaimed.

“You already mentioned it yesterday,” Saeran answered.“Besides, you don’t actually _know_ , do you?”

Saeyoung raked a hand through his hair, grabbing a fistful as he leaned on his elbow on the table.“Not _officially_ , but just humor me.Please?”

Saeran leaned back in his chair with a shrug.“I really don’t know what you want from me.It’s your life.”

“Of which you are a _huuuuuge_ part!”

Saeran sighed.A few seconds ticked by, and Saeyoung grew concerned that he wouldn’t get a legitimate answer at that moment.But Saeran surprised him. 

He cleared his throat.“Fine, I’ll humor you,” he began, his voice revealing a harsh edge.“You’re only twenty-four, you barely know how to take care of your—no, you _refuse_ to take care of _yourself_ , you’re _ex-agency_ , and you—“ Saeran cut himself off and broke eye contact, closing his eyes as he took a breath. 

Saeyoung swallowed. 

“You don’t… you have _no_ basis on how to _be_ a parent,” he continued.He became quieter, softer.“Neither of us do.We’ll never get that.So—“ Saeran cleared his throat again and straightened back up, his tone returning back to it’s usual skepticism.“—you want me to tell you how I feel about being an uncle?That’s fine.I’m _fine_ with _that_ , but have you given _any_ thought towards actually being a _father_?Because it doesn’t seem like you have.Not yet.Not _really_.”

That was unexpected.Saeyoung assumed Saeran would give him an exasperated, moderately cynical response, something that ultimately relayed a message of good-will. 

Not doubt. 

Not criticism. 

Not this clear, void-of-support tirade that Saeran gave him.

Everything that Saeran pointed out, Saeyoung realized, was correct.But Saeran was also biased.He was also closed-minded. 

And Saeyoung was going to defend himself.

“You’re… right.Everything you’ve said is right, up until the end there.Saying I’ve given no thought towards it?That’s harsh, even for you.” 

Saeran quickly looked to the side before regaining eye contact.Saeyoung took that as an indication that his comment stung.

But he continued: “I _know_ you know this, but I love MC so much that…” he laughed “that it’s _terrifying_.And it’s the same for you, even if you’re an asshole sometimes.But given that I have _her_ to keep me in check, that I have _you_ to smack sense into me?”Saeyoung whistled as he blew out a puff of air.“Yeah, maybe _I_ can screw this up _by myself_.But I’m not by myself.Not anymore.The fact that I have my family _together_ means that, for _once_ , I’ve done _something_ right.”

There was silence again as the two brothers stared at each other, their differing opinions mentally squaring up.

Then Saeran sighed.“I’m not convinced, but like I said, it’s your life.So I’m fine with being the saving grace for your _hypothetical_ child as its uncle.”

Saeyoung would take that.He’d work on gaining Saeran’s full support later, but he’d take that for now.

Still, Saeran’s words struck something within him, and he rushed to bury himself in parenting articles.Saeyoung found it kind of funny; he prided himself on his intelligence: his computing skills, his ability to speak _seventeen_ languages, and his love for mathematics, but his world of ones and zeros had nothing on parenting; there wasn’t a single _dash_ of data on how to tackle this.He was going to have to learn from scratch, and while he was aware that he was jumping the gun considering that he didn’t have solid confirmation that you were _actually pregnant_ , he had concluded that at this point, there was no way that you _weren’t_.

Perhaps that was wishful thinking.

Regardless, he was still buried in his “work” when you returned from Jaehee’s cafe, rolling into the garage at 6 o’clock.You had bought take out on your way back to try and avoid the inevitable, and though you told yourself that before you ate, you’d use all three of the tests, you didn’t stop yourself from calling, “I bought dinner!” out the _moment_ you stepped over the threshold.

Saeyoung came hurdling out of his office and yelled, “You’re _home_!”

“I’m _home_!” you cried back.

He ran over to pick you up in his arms, and you laughed in surprise.Before you could ask _why_ the sudden enthusiasm, he asked, “Hey, hey, hey, so you know that _thing_ we were talking about yesterday?”

“Ah, you mean the potential demon inside me?”He nodded vigorously.“I bought some sticks to pee on today, so _after dinner_ , we’ll see what the fortune reads.Go grab your brother.”

Saeran had locked himself into his room, and when Saeyoung knocked on the door to get him, he said, “I’m not hungry.”

“But… she bought cheap imitation Chinese food!You _love_ cheap imitation Chinese food!”

“I’ll eat when I’m hungry.”

Saeyoung sighed.Saeran was undoubtably ticked off at what he had said, maybe even over the consideration that he was convinced Saeyoung lacked, but he’d get over it, at least Saeyoung _really_ hoped. 

That just left you and your husband sitting at the kitchen table.You slowly chewed each bite while Saeyoung scarfed his meal down at twice his usual speed.When you realized how impatient he was, how _antsy_ he was, you left your meal half finished and grabbed your purse.

“We’ll go two out of three,” you said, picking out the three boxes.“And they should take five minutes, tops.”

Saeyoung nearly dragged you, running down the hallway while tugging you along.There was some repressed mania behind his actions, as if he was trying to keep himself in check but was failing miserably.

“Wai—wait, Saeyoung, I don’t have to pee yet!” you protested as he shoved you into the master bathroom.

“ _Try_!” he called through the door.

“What, do you want me to just call upon the bladder gods?”

He opened the door back up and poked his head through the crack.He stared at you before asking, “Do you need me to put on some background noise?Like, rain forest noises or water trickling or—“

You laughed, “ _Get_ out.”

The grin on his face did little to hide the growing anticipation.He had hyped himself up for this _and_ had gotten into a tiff with his brother in the process.He wanted this.He _needed_ this.So as he closed the door once more, he paced around before settling down on the edge of your bed, clasping his hands, bowing his head, and praying.

Saeyoung was religious, and that was something he had been open about since his baptism.But he wasn’t what one would consider the “conventional Catholic.”He didn’t attend church services every Sunday—just the occasional mass around holidays, _if_ he felt like it—he broke quite a few of the “rules”, disregarded the _entire_ Old Testament of the Bible because, well, the teachings there were a bit dated, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been to confession.He was clearly a sinner if there ever was one, as evident from his past profession, but it wasn’t like he actively tried to go against the teachings; he just wasn’t conscious of it.That being said, his loose following didn’t really bother him. 

He still had faith; he believed in God, adhered to the fundamentals of Catholic morals, and really, that was enough for him.

In that moment, he wasn’t praying for you to actually _be_ pregnant.He was really just asking for everything to turn out alright, that his entire life up until he met you had been one shitshow after the next, and that if he could be safe with you, with a potential _child_ , that nothing that had happened ever mattered.

He startled when you opened the door again.You held the three sticks in your hands, and a quick glance to the clock told him that you’d been in there for six minutes.

“Well,” you said, pausing to torture him just a _little_.“All signs point to possession, _sooo_ …”

“Poss…ession?”

You handed him the three (thankfully) covered tests.

Three pluses.

You were pregnant.

_Holy shit_.

He dropped all three on the bed before springing up to his feet and kissing you deeply.He was grinning so hard that his cheeks hurt, but he couldn’t care less.He was laughing, repeating “I love you”s between tight, deep kisses with shaking hands on either side of your face.His reaction was adorable, and any worries you had immediately evaporated for the time being at the sight of his pure, unadulterated happiness.

Maybe you could do this after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just realized that this fic is really similar to another one on here. Like alarmingly similar. So I just wanted to say that that was completely unintentional/I felt really bad when I found that out bc yikes it's REALLY similar/ 10/10 contemplated deleting this one bc I’m not out here trying to get accused for plagiarism or something  
> I mean I’m not going to actually delete it lol but just  
> Ah??  
> Anyway, YAY PERGENCY CONFIRMED


	8. Worried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just btw under the *** there's some super mild, non-explicit description of the diddly doo ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) for like two paragraphs and that's about it

** Being unable to open their eyes for a few moments afterward **

** Week 6 **

* * *

 

You and Saeyoung were lying on the floor of the living room—you reading a book, him tapping away on his laptop—when he said, “We have to think of names.”

You raised an eyebrow.“Bit early for that, don’t you think?”

“ _Never_!If we give her a name, it makes it all the more real!”

Flipping your book over so that it kept your page, you inched forward and rested your head against the middle of his back.“So you’re hoping for a girl, huh?” you said, your tone warmed by affection.

He stiffened, and the _clacking_ of his keyboard ceased.His head fell forward in defeat. He sighed, “ _Yeeaaahh_ , you caught me.I just keep thinking about how _cute_ she would be!” 

He closed his laptop, but not before you could catch a glimpse of the tabs he had open on his browser; they all had to do with parenting.He rolled over so that your head fell lightly to the ground with him facing you, lying on his side.

“Think about it,” he continued softly.“Maybe she’d have a brownish-reddish hair color that’s a _mess_ of curls, with your _cute_ little nose and my _super_ cute eyes.And, God _willing_ , she’d have your personality and my _ingenious-ness_ and never back down from a challenge and—“ he continued rambling on about the traits of your future child, and seeing him having thought about this so hard gave you… a bittersweet feeling.

You loved it; of course you did.He was so excited, so _willing_ , for the idea of being a dad, but thinking of all of that stirred something within you that you couldn’t name.All that you knew was that it wasn’t the happiness nor giddiness that you had been feeling up until that point.It was something darker.

But it was only a passing feeling, and you quickly forgot about it.Saeyoung still hadn’t stopped designing your kid, after all; how could you ignore _that_?

“Slow down a little,” you giggled.“You’ll set yourself up for disappointment if it turns out to be a boy.”

“I, really, don’t think I can be disappointed in this situation.”He leaned his head forward and kissed the tip of your nose.When he pulled away, you noticed that earnest expression on his face.You saw how absolutely pure and honest he was about his words, and again, you felt uneasy.

So you sat up after bopping him on the nose.“I’m getting a snack.Do you want something?”You stood.

“Just your beautiful self to make a speedy return,” he answered, peering up at you under long lashes and batting them in succession.

You rolled your eyes while laughing, “Oh, _god,_ ” and made your way to the kitchen.

There, as you microwaved leftover soup, you pondered upon your new feelings.You wanted to mark it up as pregnancy hormones—and, man, you planned to use that as an out for _soooo_ many things in the future—but you couldn’t justify it to yourself.There was something deeper than just “the baby made me do it”.

But, _god_ , why were you so unsettled?

You were financially stable— _with_ Saeyoung’s impressive savings.You were working on being financially independent, but considering you both shared a bank account, it was hard to tell—you had a semi-solid career, a home—though not one entirely suitable for raising a child—a network of supportive connections and friends—none of whom, save for Jaehee, you realized, actually knew about your being pregnant—and you were with the man you loved, the man you trusted and adored, the man who had saved you from all sorts of dangers, the man who _you_ wanted so desperately to save, the man who didn’t quite _want_ to _be_ saved, the man who sometimes saw demons in shadows, the man who was still running from a past that always seemed to outrun the future…

And then it hit you.

You were doubtful.

You were doubtful about your location (what kid wants to grow up in the middle of nowhere in an underground bunker, as safe as it may be?)You were doubtful about the future of your career (you couldn’t work part time at a coffee shop forever if you were going to be a mother) And, worst of all, you were doubtful about Saeyoung’s capabilities of being a father.

And you felt awful for it.

You wanted to believe that everything would be okay, that you could grow old and happy together with your “gaggle of grandchildren”, as he once said, but you were starting to think it wasn’t realistic.

How could Saeyoung help his child grow and flourish when he refused to let himself do the same?

And you knew that he was a wonderfully loving person; he had enough affection and tenderness within him to stop wars.He was brilliant and funny and patient and cared _so much_ for his family that on a surface level, he was the perfect candidate for parenthood.

But that was on a surface level.

You were so lost in thought that you didn’t notice the microwave going off, signaling your soup was done.The length at which its beeping went on was so extended, in fact, that Saeyoung actually came into the kitchen to check on you.If that weren’t enough, the scent of broth flooded the area and ended up making you nauseous.Maybe you should have picked a less odorous food. 

You raised a hand to your mouth.

“Uh, food’s done?” Saeyoung said in a questioning tone.His appearance shook you from your trance.“You okay?”

“Yeah… um--” You interrupted yourself as you bent over at the waist and hurled whatever you had eaten that day into the kitchen trash can.You were lucky to be standing by it, because if not, the _floor_ would have fell victim instead.

He was instantly beside you, brushing your hair behind your ear and holding it out of your face.“Do you want me to get you some water?Or ginger?” he asked when you had nothing left to throw up.

“No food,” you groaned pitifully.

“Okay, water then.”Saeyoung tied your hair back with a hair tie that he had on his wrist.You’d question why he had one on him, but you remembered that sometimes, when his bangs became a nuisance, he liked to tie up the front of his hair.It was adorable, really, and so there was never a lack of hair ties in your house.

You rested your forearm on the lip of the trash can and rested your head against it.You heard the faucet turn on and the microwave beeping subside before Saeyoung returned to your side, holding the chilled glass against the heated skin of your neck and rubbing your back.

And you felt worse about your thoughts.

“How’s my agent 606?” he asked.

You snorted, “Agent 606 is out of commission thanks to 707.”

“What!What did _I_ do?”

“You put this _soul sucker_ inside of me!”

He gasped, made a noise as if he was coming back at you with a retort, but then laughed a bit instead and said, “Honey, I can’t take you seriously when you’re speaking to the garbage.”When you just sighed, he drummed his fingers against your spine. 

There was a long pause in which neither of you said anything.He kept tapping on your back, and when you finally took the glass from his hand, only to hold it against your neck yourself, he finally spoke again.

“You’re not _actually_ mad about getting pregnant… are you?”His voice was soft and hesitant.

You twisted your head to the side and looked up at him, his face riddled with anxiety.Of course you weren’t mad; how _juvenile_ would _that_ be?You were just concerned.Worried.Doubtful if this was the right time for such a life change. 

But you were not going to pile that stress onto him right now.

“Of course not,” you answered, your tone tender.“I could never be.”

A relieved smile broke out on his face.He leaned down to kiss your forehead and then scrunched up his face.“Why don’t you go brush your teeth and lie down.I’ll take out the trash,” he suggested gently.

There was that expression again—that awfully genuine look that wouldn’t hesitate to believe every lie out of your mouth.You knew you would never lie to him, at least not consciously, but his blind faith in you deepened your guilt.As you nodded and left the kitchen, you could only wonder about what you had gotten yourself into.

***

This is what had started it all: the skin on skin contact that drove you to delirium with each movement, each breath, and each sound.There was perfection in how your body curled into his; it was an innate response to the ways his hands expertly dragged down your sides, touching you with a fervor that left a fire in his wake.

And when you were together, joined in a lovers’ union, there was nothing but security as he held you fast to him.His arms kept you safe as you climbed higher and higher with him searching for that peak right beside you, and when it was over, out came silent sincerity of two young lovers still tangled up in one another, staying so close they could feel their breaths on each others’ faces.

Without his glasses, Saeyoung’s golden gaze pierced through you, analyzing and memorizing every inch and curve of your structure.You could almost picture the rapid scrolling display of code under which you were convinced his mind operated, each feature being written as a new variable. 

But right now, his eyes were closed while your own followed a bead of sweat that dripped from his hairline to the pillow underneath him. 

Then he laughed and opened his eyes.You quirked an eyebrow and asked what he was laughing about.

“I’m just kinda thinking,” he admitted, “You know, pretty soon, we’re going to have to get creative.”He had one hand resting on the swell of your hip; his fingers drummed against your skin.“You won’t even be able to see your toes in, like, fifteen weeks, or something.”

You wouldn’t say you had forgotten it, but the doubts that you had conjured up weren’t weighing as prevalently on your mind as they had been in the past few days.You had other things to worry about, especially with a rise in guest-to-RFA communication, but here, under the covers in the post-coital warmth of your husband, there was no way to ignore it.

He must have noticed you stiffen up with a conflicted expression, so he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“No, nothing.”

“ _Hmm_ , I smell a lie.”

“Might want to get your sense of smell checked out, then.”You stuck your tongue out.

He paused, sniffed the air dramatically and said, “ _Damn_!You’re right!It’s not a lie I smell; it’s hypocrisy.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of his comment, and he smiled along with you, persisting.

“I’m not kidding!” he cried.“Come on.It’s past midnight, we just had some _great_ sex—“ you shoved his bicep “—and now we’re in the midst of _pillow talk_.It’s the perfect time for all of the gushy stuff.”When you just raised your eyebrow in skepticism, he added, “And if _I_ have to take off my metaphorical heelies so I can’t wheelie away from _my_ feelies, you have to do the same.”

You laughed again, and between huffs, choked out, “You’re _ridiculous_!”

“And _that’s_ why you love me!Now _speak_!”

You sighed and flopped your head back onto the pillow.He stayed on his side, waiting for you to say something.

Quietly, you finally asked, “Is this a good idea?”

His fingers stopped dancing around on your skin.“Is what?”

“Having a kid, right now.I mean, it was so sudden, and both of us are… kind of young to be parents.”

“Are you having regrets?” he asked in a hushed breath.

“ _No, no, no_ , not regrets!Saeyoung, not at all,” you assured him, bringing a hand up to rub his upper arm.“If I regretted this, then that’d really mean that I regretted every time we _ever_ had sex, which, trust me, I _don’t._ ”He laughed, and you took that as a sign to continue.“I’m just… worried about pulling this off.”

Whether or not to _voice_ your worries was the issue at hand.

Saeyoung thought about what you said, and then, still quiet, asked, “Are you thinking about the alternative?”You didn’t know what he meant, but you supposed he took your silence as a confirmation.He sucked in a breath.“I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want you.You know that, right?”You nodded, still not following.“But if you don’t… if you don’t want to start a family _now_ , I’ll support you on that, but I really—“

You got it.

“ _Whoa_ , _Saeyoung_ , you’re just going straight to every worst case scenario!I don’t… I don’t want an abortion.That’s not at _all_ what I’m trying to say.”You felt him deflate with relief. 

“I—sorry.Anxieties and jitters and all that,” he admitted with a light sigh.

You nodded and felt him intertwine his fingers with yours.“I’m just…”You sighed yourself.“Saeyoung, do _you_ really feel ready for this?”

He was silent, and then he retracted his hand.Bitterly, he scoffed, “You and Saeran both?”

“What?”

“Neither of you think I can father a kid.”

“Wha—Saeyo—“

“That’s why you get all weird every time I bring it up.”He sat up abruptly, nearly startling you.“You don’t think that I’ll be a good dad; you _are_ regretting it.”

“Jesus, Saey—“He cut you off again.

“I know I’ve led a terrible life, okay?I know I’m the last person that should _ever_ have a kid.I _know_.But I thought that you’d—“

“Saeyoung, _stop_!”

He flinched at your raised voice, and you sighed again.You sat up to be level with him, wrapping the top of the sheets around your exposed bust. 

“ _None_ of that is true.At all,” you assured.“But you are proving what I’ve been _trying_ to say.Now, if you’d _let me_ …?”

Hesitant, he nodded.

“Okay, Saeyoung, you’re wonderful in every aspect that _points_ to being a good father.That isn’t a belief; that’s a _fact_.”His lips briefly quirked up into a slight smile.“But you have a lot of things going on up here—“ you tapped on the side of his head “—and some of those things are fantastic and make me, and _everyone_ , so, _so_ , happy.But other things worry me, and I know they _hurt_ you, too. _You_ know that.”

He sighed, slightly exasperated, and replied, “We’re back to this?”

“This is going to be _crazy_ , and it’s going to be an emotional shock, amongst other things,” you urged.“I just want to make sure that you’re okay for that.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“And I’ll take your word for it, but at some point, pretending that stuff like that doesn’t exist _isn’t_ going to work anymore.”

More silence between you two.He was staring down at the sheets with a hard look, and you brought your hand up to touch his shoulder.

He immediately flopped backwards onto the bed.“Let’s just go to sleep.We can deal with this tomorrow.”Then, he turned so that his back was to you and shut his eyes.

You were _not_ going to take that.

“Okay,” you said, lying back down yourself.You scooted over so that you were pressed against his back, and you threw your leg around his hip, kissing the back of his neck.You didn’t miss the ever so slight shudder that racked his body.“But first,” you continued, “give me a proper kiss.”

He didn’t answer.

“We do _not_ go to bed angry in this household, and I will _not_ let you sleep until I get my kiss.”

Two ticks went by before he groaned, “ _Aaaaagggghhhhh_!How am I _ever_ going to win _anything_ with you when you’re so _god damn_ cute!”

“It’s a curse in disguise as a blessing.What can I say?” you goaded.

He twisted around, and you detangled yourself from him.Then, he quickly gave a _millisecond_ peck to your lips.“There.”

You shook your head and softly, said, “How’s that a proper kiss?   It was so cold that I felt my heart shiver.”

He knew immediately what you were referencing.His entire expression softened, and he reached out to you, wrapping you under one arm while kissing your shoulder and burying his head into the crook of your neck.

“I know you worry,” he murmured.“But please just let me… I don’t know—deal how I know how.”

“If it gets out of hand, no promises.My maternal instincts are kicking into overdrive, you know.”

He mused, “Maternal instincts?”He turned his head and kissed your jaw, making his way up to your lips, where you were eagerly waiting.

Eyes closed, both of you quickly fell asleep, foreheads pressed together, bodies wrapped around each other.Would you stay like that the rest of the night?Probably not.You’d most likely end up turning away, mid-sleep, and stealing the covers as you often did, only to be awoken by Saeyoung koala hugging you in retaliation.

Your worries didn’t disappear from this, but you figured that you’d wait and see what would happen.Saeyoung was good at surprising you in all of the best ways, after all.You were sure he wouldn’t disappoint this time, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a mess and all over the place adhfaoiecmtaoieta but here take it it's 4AM where I am (back at home) so I'm gonna go eat some toast because I make good decisions (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞


	9. "Business"

** One small kiss, pulling away for an instant, then devouring each other  **

* * *

 

Business trips.

Saeyoung was going on one of them.

And he _hated it_.

Maybe calling it a business trip was a bit of a stretch.He was really just going to a conference as a representative of the company, a conference that lasted _five whole days_!He would be away from his beloved family, _unwillingly_ , for practically a week if he counted driving time!At first, he had tried to refuse, saying that _anyone else_ would be better suited to promote the company and draw in potential investors, but then they brought up the RFA, how _he_ was the one who did nearly _all_ of the programming, and that it would be a _great_ opportunity for him to get exposure to other technology in the business. 

None of those points convinced him; he really just became so annoyed by their nagging that he agreed.

That, and, as much as he hated the job, he needed to keep it giving the developments his family had been undergoing.You were his main reason for keeping the job—hell, without you, he wouldn’t have taken it in the first place.

It was that endearing glow you produced as you watched him button up his shirt and finish packing away the clothes he’d be bringing that kept him on it.He didn’t really know why, but he’d noticed that you always seemed extra perky whenever his job was brought up.

“I don’t want to _goooo_ ,” he sighed.He flopped face down onto the bed.

“That’s fine.I’m not going to let you.”

At your response, he lifted his head, confused.You were staring at his duffle bag.

“What?”

“At least not until you fix this monstrosity! _This_ is the most ineffective way of packing I’ve _ever_ seen!”

“ _That’s_ your problem?Not the fact that your husband is selling his soul away to the corporations?!”

You dove into the bag and pulled out a clump of clothes.Granted, he didn’t actually care enough to fold them, so they were all crumpled in one another.“Saeyoung, these are _dress shirts_!You can’t ball them up!”

“I was going to _iron_ them when I got there! _Gosh_!”

“Don’t you ‘gosh!’ at me, mister!”

“ _Oooo_ , are you practicing your mom voice? _Sex-y_!”

You laughed in disbelief at the comment, and you shook your head with a sweet smile as you started unpacking his bag.“Here,” you said.“I’ll iron and fold them for you so they aren’t _so_ wrinkled when you have to wear them.”You pointed at him.“Now, _you_ promise me that you’ll hang them up when you get to the hotel.”

“Yes, mom,” he sighed.Banter aside, he still wasn’t looking forward to the upcoming week.

You must have noticed because you leaned over at nudged him.“Hey, it’ll be fun!” you encouraged.“First conference meet—“ you paused and looked up, thinking.“Sorry, what are you even doing there?”

He shot up.“I don’t even know!Our company is run by _idiots_!”And it was true, in his humble opinion.When Jumin offered him the job, he’d been expecting some well established and deeply connected medical technology company, not the infantile, damn near _start-up_ , he was now a part of.After doing some of his own digging, he’d discovered that the president of the company— _if_ it could even be called that, he noted bitterly—was the cousin of the sister of Jumin’s father’s latest partner.And, even better, after a solid _year_ of working for them, he was still the only competent programmer on the team, meaning that the others’ work went through _him_ before it headed off to the bosses.

Basically, he was the only one who knew what he was doing, and barely, at that.

You kneeled onto the bed and threaded your fingers through his hair.“You’ll be fiii- _ick_!” He had grabbed your wrist and yanked you to him, and you lost your balance on your knees.You didn’t fall gracefully as what one would see in a movie; it was everything unattractive: butt in the air and laughably gross snort as you face planted into the sheets all before falling to your side, revealing a light trail of spit from when your open mouth ate cotton.

But he didn’t care at all, and even if he noticed, he probably thought it was cute.

Only him.

“I don’t want to leave you guys,” he said in a hushed tone.“All three of you.What if you go into labor, or something.”

You laughed, “You’re joking!”

“I’m not!What if I miss something important!”

You put your hand on the side of his face, dragging your thumb across his collarbone.“You won’t.We don’t even know how far along I am, and we’ll find _out_ at the first ultra sound.Which I won’t schedule.Until you’re home.”

Still unconvinced, he pursed his lips into a pout.

You took the opportunity to inch forward to kiss him.It was your mistake, too, because he was supposed to be on the road in an hour, but the instant your lips left his, his searing gaze drew you back together.It wouldn’t hurt for him to be a _little_ late.

***

It was strange for the house to be so empty, now that it was just down to you and Saeran.You wouldn’t have thought that one fewer person could make such a difference, but you felt it in the still air of the bunker, undisturbed by one of his more boisterous comments.You felt it in your own boredom when you ran out of emails to respond to, and you felt it, secondhand, in Saeran’s apparent unease.

You wouldn’t notice that until two days in, though.

 

**_MC_** **_has entered the chatroom._**

 

**Zen:** MC! Perfect timing! Care to go on a stroll with yours truly~?

**Yoosung:** Awe, I thought we were having guys time ;;

**MC:** Lol, Zen…

**Zen:** Whaaaat?? She’s all alone!! The least we can do is keep her company!

 

**_707 has entered the chatroom._ **

 

**707:** _back off my lady!!!!!_

**707:** YoU _classless animal!!_

**MC:** Go back to work.

**707:** Not when my 606 is in danger!!

**Zen:** Dude

**Zen:** Calm down..

**707:** I'm getting ready to drive home and rescue you.I’ll be there soon!!

**MC:** don’t you dare! You have work!

**MC:** I’d love to get out of the house, you guys!!  <3

 

**_Jumin has entered the chatroom._ **

 

**Jumin:** How lively, it is, for so early in the afternoon…

**Jumin:** Saeyoung, are you not meeting with other companies?

**707:** No offense lolol

**707:** _everyone here is an idiot_ lololol

**707:** Oops! Got caught on the phone! 

**707:** Little bitch is bitching! Gotta blast! Love ya~~

 

**_707 has left the chatroom._ **

 

**MC:** Little…bitch?

**Jumin:** I believe he is referring to his superior.

**Jumin:** Although superior in position, I’m inclined to agree with Saeyoung in saying that this man is not superior in intelligence.

**MC:** :O

**MC:** Roasted omg

**Zen:** Uh.. ;;

**Zen:** So do you still want to come out with me and yoosung?

**Yoosung:** Let’s ask Saeran too!!

**Jumin** : I’d love to join, but I have work to do as well.Yoosung, I know you never clocked in this morning.I’ll let it slide just this once.Never again.

 

**_Jumin has left the chatroom._ **

 

**MC:** BUSTED!!!

**Yoosung:** HE GAVE ME THE DAY OFF!!

**Zen:** No one even invited him though

**Yoosung:** HE TOLD ME YESTERDAY!!!!!

**Yoosung:** JUMIN wAIT

 

**_Yoosung has left the chatroom._ **

 

**Zen:** Lol ok

**Zen:** He’s still coming, don’t worry… I think…

**MC:** ;;

**MC:** Lololol I’ll see if Saeran wants to come

 

Smiling at the antics of your friends, you placed your phone facedown onto the coffee table.You were glad they reached out on your designated “free day”.

“Saeran!” you called down the hallway to his bedroom.You waited until you heard his door _click_ open.

“Yeah?” came a gruff and groggy response.He sounded as if he had just woken up.

“Zen and Yoosung invited us out if you want to go?”

“No.”

The door clicked shut, and that was that.

Despite his semi-reclusive tendencies, Saeran generally looked forward to small get togethers with the RFA members.It was strange of him to reject it so readily, but you just shrugged to yourself and gathered your things to go out.

A quick call from Zen told you to meet them at a park, so you found a garage nearby and walked the rest of the way.You easily spotted Zen (how could you not?), and he waved you over to where he was sitting at a picnic table.

“No Saeran?” he asked when you were within speaking distance.

You shook your head.“I don’t even think he was fully awake when I asked.”

“But… it was noon?”

“Hey, weird sleep schedules run in the family, I guess.”Without meaning to, you tapped your fingers along your lower abdomen as you thought of the possibility that your child would _also_ exhibit strange sleeping patterns.Logically, you knew that it was _highly_ unlikely, but stranger things have happened.

Zen didn’t notice your actions, though, as you were sitting across from him.

“Speaking of the family, I take it Saeyoung isn’t having a great time having a real job?”

You snorted, “What constitutes as a real job?You’re an actor!”

“Do you _know_ how hard it is to be an actor?!The contracts are terrible!” he exclaimed, but the smile on his face ensured that your banter was all in good spirits.

“Well,” you responded, sighing a laugh, “anyway, yeah.I think he hates it.”

“Why doesn’t he just quit?Find something else.The guy’s a genius; I’m sure he’ll find _something_.”

“Yeah, but if he quits right now, he’ll have no motivation to find a different job,” you pointed out.“He doesn’t hate the _job_ ; he hates working on other peoples’ terms.”

Zen sighed.“That makes sense, I guess.Still…” 

You debated whether or not to mention your pregnancy.Only the twins and Jaehee knew about it, and none of them had said anything on the matter to the other members.Should you keep it a surprise, or would that just result in irritation from the others?

You decided.“Hey—“

“ _Wahh_ , sorry I’m late!”Yoosung popped up behind you, successfully making you jump as his voice tore through your conscience.“I had to stop by C&R to get paperwork!”

“Day off, huh?” Zen teased.

“I swear he gave me one!”

“Did you learn _nothing_ from watching Jaehee suffer through that?”You nudged him with your elbow as he took the seat beside you.

Yoosung rolled his eyes with a huff.“He’s actually _nice_ to me, you know…”

“You sound like you’re trying to convince us that your asshole boyfriend isn’t an asshole,” you quipped, and as Zen burst out laughing, Yoosung groaned.

After light conversation, you decided to grab something to eat.It was nice to spend time with just the two of them as opposed to being cooped up in a windowless bunker.A pang of guilt for leaving Saeran alone sent you driving home a few hours later, as you hadn’t realized how fast the time had passed.It was nearing dinner time, by this point, and you opted to just reheat leftovers rather than make something new.

As you walked into the kitchen, however, you noticed that everything was just as you had left it.There wasn’t a used bowl or plate in the sink or on the counter, as was usually the case.In fact, everything seemed untouched entirely.

You checked the computer room; nothing to indicate that the devices had been turned on at all that day.There wasn’t even the _whir_ of electricity you had become used to hearing.

You found yourself knocking on Saeran’s door lightly.You received a quiet “hmm?”

“Are you okay?” you asked.“Did you eat anything today?”

You heard some shuffling behind the door before it opened to reveal a disheveled and ill looking Saeran.“No.I’m sick.Don’t come in.”He promptly closed the door.

That didn’t bode well with you.If he was sick, he _had_ to eat.

“I’ll be right back!” you called, ignoring his words.

It took you fifteen minutes to boil up a simple, broth soup with a handful of leafy greens.Saeran was fairly susceptible to illness, more so than you or Saeyoung ever were.Saeyoung had once mentioned to you that Saeran was always the more sickly of the two, and that he thought he had outgrown it.He was proven wrong once you all started living together.

You balanced a bowl of soup and a glass of water on a larger plate and made your way back to his bedroom, knocking before letting yourself in.

“What are you doing?” he asked immediately, sitting up, but holding the covers closer to him.You took in a nearly overflowing trashcan of tissues and the red, cracked skin around his nose.It must have been bad, as you noticed he hadn’t even bothered to put his contacts in, demolishing the largest physical distinction between him and his brother.

You shook your head.“You can’t _not_ eat.I made you soup.”

“I hate soup.”

“And I don’t care.Drink it.”

You sat yourself on the edge of his bed and held out your makeshift tray.He just stared at you.It went on for so long that you were actually concerned he wouldn’t accept it, but he sighed—subsequently coughing up a lung—and took the plate from your hand.

“I’m not my brother.I don’t need to be coddled, you know,” he said, and you realized that the gruff quality to his voice wasn’t due to having just woken up, but rather a throat raw from coughing.

You were somewhat taken aback by his comment.“I’m… I don’t think I’m coddling you,” you laughed, a bit uncomfortable.“You’re sick, and you haven’t eaten all day.I take care of my family.”

He thought about that.Expressionless, he stared down at his lap where the plate rested, and then quietly said, “You’ll be a good mother.”

That was unexpected.

The tips of his ears immediately turned pink, and his eyes widened slightly as if the comment was made out of his control.“I don’t know why I said that.”

“No no no!” you reassured.“Don’t—that was… that was nice to hear.”Then, you laughed, “I actually think that’s one of the nicest things you’ve said to me.”

His lips quirked downward.“Sorry.”

You shook your head.“Don’t apologize.Just drink it before it gets cold!”

He went back to sleep soon after (almost) finishing what you’d made for him, but the comment still lingered in your mind even as you settled into bed yourself.You weren’t sure what prompted him to say it, but you did know that it lightened a weight in your chest to have his approval.Maybe you were one step closer to Saeran than you had thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm unhappy with this chapter and I'm so so sorry this is out so late!! Classes have resumed for me and I'm already struggling to manage my workload and commitments so please bear with me!! :/


	10. Rainy Moods, Rainy Days

** Staring at the other’s lips, trying not to kiss them, before giving in **

_** 8 ** ** Weeks ** _

* * *

 

When Saeyoung walked into the house after the long drive back from his “business trip”, it was somewhere near three in the morning.You had no idea that he would be home that late (or early, you should say, since he had told you he was coming back the following afternoon).

He just needed to get away.He wanted to see his wife, his brother, his friends.He wanted to be home.

The last straw was the presentation.He wasn’t prepared, no one had told him that he would be asked to deliver one, and he was standing at the head of a table full of potential investors which, if he could “woo” them, would earn the company a status of… well, perhaps an _actual_ company given the publicity that it would be given.

Saeyoung was many things, but he was not a public speaker.

Fortunately, the agent within him came online, and he delivered a flawless, smooth, and persuasive presentation by using every manipulation tactic he knew.

That evening, the handful of people that made up the group gathered in the hotel bar to celebrate winning over the biggest investor there, and it was all thanks to Saeyoung.He watched with curious amusement as his colleagues drank to excess to a successful first “business trip.”And when his boss was inebriated, Saeyoung made his move.

He quit.

He had already packed his things into his car, so he left his stunned boss standing there, just having downed another shot.

“My resignation letter has already been sent,” he had said in response to the silence.Honestly, he didn’t know if he could actually _do that_ , but he figured that if there was an issue, he’d resolve it when it arose.

It wasn’t until he had actually driven an hour that he realized what he had done: he’d gotten rid of your main income.He had a child on the way, which was, he reminded himself, a tremendous financial investment among many others.He had promised himself that you would have everything you would ever want or need, and he had promised Saeran that he would always provide for him until Saeran no longer wanted to live together.He lavished himself in an expensive lifestyle, with cars most people could only dream of _touching_ , let alone owning.His home was filled with state-of-the-art technology and parts and wires, and he knew that only the best products would satisfy his engineer’s urge.

So, all-in-all, he knew that he would be having to spend a lot of money in the future, and he had just gotten rid of his income.

Saeran’s income.

The majority of your income.

His _child’s_ income.

In savings, he had damn near as much money as Jumin, but Jumin worked.Jumin only provided for himself and for his cat, _and_ he came from money as it was.

If Saeyoung lost what he already had, he would have nothing.

He would _be_ nothing.

This sent him spiraling, and he had to turn off to the side of the road to just rest for a moment and think.What was he going to do now?  
Right now, he just needed to see you.

He stood in front of your bedroom door and finally walked in.When he saw you curled on your side, legs wrapped in a knot around the edge, he nearly lost it.You were so unaware of what he had just done, sleeping so _sweetly_ despite it all, and if he woke you up, he’d have to tell you what he did.

He wasn’t sure if he could do that just yet.

Instead, he quietly crept back out into the hallway only to run into Saeran, who was gripping a textbook between his hands. 

“What are you doing?” Saeyoung asked in a whisper, clicking the door shut behind him.

“What are _you_ doing?” Saeran countered.He let out a high-strung breath, and Saeyoung noticed the color returning to his knuckles as his grip on the book softened.

“Glad to be back, too.Anyway, were you about to jump me?”

Saeran rolled his eyes, but his unease and jitters remained present in his posture and stance.“You were supposed to be back tomorrow.Sorry for getting ready to protect _your_ pregnant and sleeping wife.”

Saeyoung leaned over and clapped him on the back, an action from which Saeran tried to move away.“Thanks?But why are you even awake?” he asked, pretending that he wasn’t bothered by Saeran’s movement.

“You’re supposed to be smart,” Saeran mumbled.Then, he sighed, “ _You_ woke me up.Now I’m going back to bed, _stupid_.”

“I think that constitutes as verbal assault,” Saeyoung called after him.

Saeran just flipped him the bird as he stalked back to his bedroom.

Saeyoung sighed.He wondered if Saeran would ever just… depress.Not in the traditional sense, of course, but rather in his high-strung nature.Would he ever be able to sleep through a night without jolting awake at every sound?Despite Saeran’s claims, Saeyoung knew he did.Would he ever be able to stand in a crowd without caving in on himself?Would he ever be able to just live life as it’s meant to be experienced?

He didn't know, and that terrified him.

He had always been good at judging others’ feelings and predicting their courses of actions _based_ on those feelings; half of his former career depended on his ability to do so.But when it came to Saeran, he couldn’t tell.He always had some idea as to how Saeran was _doing_ every day, but that was just it: he couldn’t see _past_ every day.

Saeyoung had collectively cared about so few things in his life, but the one thing that remained constant throughout everything was his devotion to his brother.It didn’t matter if he was facing his mother, his boss, or the damn Mafia itself—he always thought about his brother, and relative to his entire life, it wasn’t until fairly recently that he realized he did not have as much of a grip on Saeran’s mentality as he had thought.

This prompted anxiety to swell in his chest.He knew it was three in the morning, but he scurried after Saeran, anyway.Perhaps it was a mix of everything he was thinking about—the job, the baby, the wife, the brother—that propelled him to seek some sort of solace in his brother, some sort of control over himself.

Three swift raps on Saeran’s door, and he heard the knowing groan of his brother. 

“Jesus, Saeyoung, what do you want?” Saeran asked irritably while answering his door.He opened his mouth make another snippy comment but stopped himself short.Had Saeyoung been completely cognizant of how he appeared, he would know that Saeran _immediately_ picked up on his brother’s somewhat frantic state (but, Saeran would note, when _isn’t_ he in some sort of frenzy?).

Instead of snapping at Saeyoung again, Saeran quickly evaluated his brother with a sigh before stepping to the side and letting him in.Saeyoung took a seat on the edge of Saeran’s bed, and the latter followed suit beside him.

“What did you do this time?” Saeran asked, not looking to _really_ have a heart-to-heart with Saeyoung in the middle of the night.

“Wha—?I just wanted to check in with you!” Saeyoung somewhat lied.Saeran raised a skeptical eyebrow, but let his brother continue.“How has everything been?”

“Are you asking me to fill you in on what MC did every single second of each day, or are you asking just to see if I’m one step closer to throwing myself under a bus?”

Saeyoung paled.Saeran sighed.

“It was a jo—“

“Don’t joke about that,” Saeyoung cut him off with a whisper.“Really.That isn’t funny.”

“This is coming from the king of self-deprecating comments.I don’t think you’re in a position to talk.”

“ _No_ , that’s different!”

“It’s really not.”

“Just—“ Saeyoung took his glasses off and ran his hand down his face.He was exhausted, but he couldn’t go to bed yet.He couldn’t bring himself to crawl under the covers with his wife, who still had yet to find out that he had _quit his job_ , the job you were _so excited_ for him to have.“Humor me.Please.”

Saeran passed him another evaluating stare.“Things have been fine.I’ve been sick for the past few days, and I’m getting better, but that’ll only happen if I, you know, get sleep.Which I’m currently not getting.”

Saeyoung deflated.“Oh,” he said, swallowing.“Okay, sorry.I’ll let you get your sleep.”He stood up to leave the room, but Saeran rolled his eyes and yanked on Saeyoung’s sleeve to pull him back down.

“You’re here because you want to talk about something that’s worrying you.I didn’t say that to kick you out; I said it so that you’ll spit it out without all of this stalling.”

“I’m no—“

“I swear to God, if you finish that sentence, I’ll throw _you_ under a bus.”

Under Saeran’s hard stare, Saeyoung mulled over his thoughts, finally whispering, “Everything is turning to shit.”

That took Saeran by surprise.“What?”

“I quit my job.That’s why I’m here, now, instead of later tomor—err, well I guess later today.”

“So, you quit your job?That’s it?”

Saeyoung’s jaw dropped.How could his brother not get it?“That’s it?Dude, I have a _kid_ coming!I can’t afford to—I don’t know—go broke!”

Saeran raised an eyebrow.“Did you forget that you’re already _oozing_ money and that your wife has a _paying_ job?”

“She works part time at a coffee shop.I love her, but sorry, that alone doesn’t suffice.”Saeyoung swallowed, but he found his mouth to be uncomfortably dry.“And yeah, I have savings, but I didn’t really _account for being a father right now_ … ugh, I wouldn’t have blown so much on those cars…”

“ _Woooowww_ , it must be bad if you’re regretting the cars.”

“Shut up.”

“Okay, get out.”

Saeyoung whined.Saeran sighed once more.

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to say.You decided to quit, so deal with what comes next like a man.”Saeran had no tolerance for his brother’s needless whimpering.The way he saw it, if Saeyoung did something stupid, then it was up to Saeyoung to handle the repercussions _of_ that stupidity. 

“You don’t have to be so mean, you know…”

Saeran rolled his eyes.“If you want to be babied, then go to your wife.”

“But she’s sleeping!”

“ _So was I_.”

Hands thrown up in the air, Saeyoung flopped backwards onto Saeran’s bed.He closed his eyes for a moment, and his brother stayed silent as he watched on with a pensive stare.When Saeyoung failed to pop back up with a witty remark, Saeran blew out a breath, cheeks briefly puffing up.

“You’ll figure it out.You’ll _adapt_.That’s what we do best, right?” Saeran said softly.

Saeyoung’s eyes opened to find a fist being held out to him, an unhappy Saeran holding it up.Had he not felt like he was being weighed down by lead, he would have laughed at his brother’s proposition of a fist bump.Nonetheless, he lightly bopped his fist against Saeran’s.

“Right,” Saeyoung answered, his voice taking on the gravely quality of sleep.

His tiredness didn’t go unnoticed by Saeran, who quickly said, “Oh, don’t fall asleep here unless you want to sleep on the floor.”

“Noted.”

Saeyoung dragged himself out of his brother’s room and down the corridor to his own, to where he was stuck just minutes earlier, standing in the doorway.He didn’t know why he kept freaking himself out about this.It wasn’t like you’d be _that_ angry; it wasn’t like you’d leave him, or something.

Right?

_Why’d you have to think about that?_ he castigated himself.Rationally, he knew that he was blowing this _way_ out of proportion, but that didn’t quell his hammering heartbeat nor his need to take deep breaths to keep his calm.

He was going to learn to _not_ skip to the worst case scenarios, he decided from that point onward.

He opened the bedroom door without so much as a creek, and he blew a sigh of relief when he saw that you were still dead asleep.He went about his nightly routine before crawling into bed beside you, wrapping his arm around your midsection as gently as he could.

You stirred and turned to face him, eyes open just a crack to see what caused the disturbance.“You’re back?” you sighed.

“ _Shh_ , yeah, got an early start,” he lied, and you took that as an answer and quickly fell back asleep.He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to follow suit. 

Tried.

***

The following morning it poured, as it did for the next day, and the day after that.There was a fairly violent storm brewing over your area of the country; roads were blocked, flood warnings were issued, and people were advised to stay indoors if they could.

The pelting rain, however, could not confine a vivacious spirit such as yourself, and as you did most mornings, you dressed yourself in your working clothes—analyzing yourself in the mirror to see if your stomach had started to grow, yet—and prepared to brave the drive before you.

Saeyoung had been up all night as it was the only time he could get away with his old habits: freelance hacking.If you knew, you would be devastated, he was certain, and so under the ruse of being overloaded with projects, he began to revert to his old hacker self.It was liberating, he thought.

That same morning, he was sitting at the kitchen island, having a snack before he would crash for a bit.He saw you, dressed and ready to go, and quirked an eyebrow.“Where are you going?”

“To work?” you answered, filling a travel mug with warm water.

He nearly bolted up.“What?No way!The weather outside is crazy!”

You rolled your eyes.“And so will the crowd at the coffeeshop.Jaehee needs me help; I’m not going to abandon ship just because of a little rain.”

“ _There are literally flood warnings_.”

“Would the rain stop _you_ from driving anywhere?”

“Well, no, but—“

“Exactly.” 

You flashed him a smile, but the sour expression on his face stopped you from waltzing out of the kitchen and to the garage.You were genuinely surprised at how difficult he was being, how out of character his grouchy response was.

“Hey, come on,” you tried gently, walking back over to him on his stool.“It’s just rain; the car can handle it.”

“ _My_ cars can.At least let me drive you.”

“Hey, I’m a good driver, and you have work, too!I’m not going to distract you from your projects.”

His expression worsened, so you sighed and placed your drink onto the counter beside you.You placed your hand on his back and rubbed it slowly. 

“Babe,” you murmured, “wanna give me a kiss before I go?”

He glanced up at you—or, rather, not at you, but your mouth—and contemplated your request.You could tell he wanted to stay stubborn, and you knew damn well how stubborn he could be, but such displays of affection were his kryptonite.He could seldom say no to a kiss.

So, realizing that he could not stop you from leaving, he let out a heavy sigh and stood up, his arms wrapping around your midsection as he slowly melded his lips to yours.Then, he held his forehead against yours.

“I know you’re a good driver.Please be extra safe.”

With a mock-scoff, you answered, “Jeez, you’re acting like I’m going off to war.”

“Well,” he drew out, “you’re not just driving by yourself.”

And you finally understood his concern.

His hand moved to your front and rested on your abdomen.“Have a good day at work,” he said quietly.“I love you.”

There was something off-putting about his eerie behavior, but you just gave him another kiss and went on your way.If there was one thing he was right about, it was the god awful weather.Even with the wipers on high, you still struggled to see the area in front of you.

But you were an optimist with a good road conscience; you’d be fine.

When you entered the main city, you smiled with relief.You were just a short ten minutes from where you needed to be, and the red traffic light in front of you was definitely a sight for sore eyes compared to the dreary gray rainfall.

As you waited for the light to turn green, you didn’t see the car coming in behind you, speeding given the driving conditions.You would later learn that the driver—an older gentleman coming into the city to visit his grandchildren—did not see you, either, until it was too late.Though he slammed on the brakes when he realized his error, the wheels of his car skidded forward, sending the vehicle crashing into the back of yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!!!!! Here's a present from me to you: an update!! Very sorry for the delay; my classes are really kicking my ass, but I'm hoping to actually finish this fic instead of leaving it abandoned, because I have ideas written out for each chapter!!   
> New Years Resolution is to finish this fic lol


	11. Beat

** When one stops the kiss to whisper “I’m sorry, are you sure you-” and they answer by kissing them more **

_** 8 Weeks ** _

* * *

 

**_Jaehee has entered the chatroom._ **

 

**Jaehee:** Hello

 

**_Jumin has entered the chatroom._ **

 

**Jumin:** Jaehee, hello.

**Jaehee:** Have you heard from MC at all today?

**Jaehee:** She told me she was coming into work today, but she is two hours late.

 

**_707 has entered the chatroom._ **

 

**707:** _what_

**Jaehee:** Saeyoung, did MC say she was coming today?

**707:** she drove out this morning

**707:** _what do you mean she isn’t there!?!?!??!?!_

**Jumin:** Stay calm.I’m sure she’s simply stuck in traffic.The weather is certainly rough so it is only natural that she had to detour. 

**Jumin:** Would you like me to send Driver Kim out to check the roads?

 

**_Zen has entered the chatroom._ **

 

**Zen:** Have any of you checked the news this morning??

**Zen:** _There was an accident just on the edge the city!!_

 

**_707 has left the chatroom._ **

 

**Jumin:** I never would have guessed that you would be helpful at all.

**Zen:** screw you

**Jumin:** I’ll leave to check the scene of the accident to see what I can find out.If she was hurt in any way, I will look into what insurance claims are available for the two of them. 

**Jaehee:** That’s unusually nice of you…

**Zen:** _HOW ARE YOU BOTH SO caSUAL ABOUT THIS???_

**Zen:** We don’t even know if it was her!

**Zen** : I’m going to check the hospitals nearby to see if she was admitted anywhere before jumping to action

**Zen:** Like a _rational human_

 

**_Zen has left the chatroom._ **

 

It took nothing more than a google search; Saeyoung didn’t need to use any programs or bypass any firewalls to obtain information.It was on the front page of a few local news sites: _Drastic Collision on Outskirts of Major City_ ; _Young Woman Trapped in Fender Bender of_ ** _Death_** _; Minor Road Incident due to Heavy Rainfall: Experts Advise to Stay Off Roads._

The title of these articles proved to be unhelpful as anything.They gave his frantic self no sense of how serious the accident was, nor if anyone was hurt, nor if his wife was even _involved_.It wasn’t until he saw a photo of the accident scene, your car demolished in the back, that he was certain.Sure, you had a popular model, but he was not one to believe in coincidences such as those.There was no mistaking that you had been in an accident.

_She would have called me_.

_If she were okay, she would have said_.

_She’s hurt_.

“Oh my God,” Saeyoung whispered.“Oh my god… _shit!_ ” 

He bolted out of his chair, almost falling down the few steps out of his office as his shoes slipped under him from his frenzied movements.As he neared the garage door, he heard footsteps pounding behind him. 

“Jesus, what’s wrong?” Saeran demanded as he rounded the corner to follow his brother.

Saeyoung could hardly speak, too caught up with emotion and fear to properly articulate his panic.“She’s—MC—accident… _fuck_!I have to go find her!”

“Wha— _wait_ , I’m coming with you!”

Saeyoung didn’t have the time to tell his brother to stay home, as he’d be driving without caution and unlawfully and didn’t want him to be put in danger, so as soon as Saeran slid into the passenger seat of one of his sturdier vehicles, he hightailed out of the garage and into the storm.Rain battered against the windshield faster and harder than it would have had he been going the speed limit.Saeran was gripping the door handle with white knuckles, and as Saeyoung drove furiously with clenched teeth, Saeran said a silent prayer and grabbed his phone.He had called one hospital before an incoming call from Zen came through.

“Yeah,” he answered.

“ _You sound terrible,_ ” Zen noted from the other side.

“My brother is driving.”

“ _Gotcha.Well, listen, I found the hospital MC is at, and I’m going there now until you guys get here.Stay safe on the roads. I’ll let you know her how she’s doing when I see her._ ”

Saeran sighed, “God, thanks.See you soon, I guess.”Then, he turned to Saeyoung, who was evidently consumed in his own world, and said, “Zen found her.You can cool it.”

Saeyoung didn’t slow down; he just gritted his teeth again and silently admonished himself for not being there for her first, for _losing_ to the likes of that playbo—

_No_ , he thought, _it’s not like that_.

Still, the fact that he, her husband, couldn’t just teleport to her and take away any of the pain she might be feeling killed him, so he ignored Saeran’s request to ease up on the pedal and continued to race to the city.

***

You were in a hospital room with Zen sitting on a chair by your bedside.You didn’t think you needed to be fussed over, really, but the nurses kept a _hush hush_ attitude about what you were waiting for.In total, your injuries were fairly minor: just a bad sprain on your left wrist and a moderate concussion, both from an impact to the steering wheel.Maybe you should have been more concerned; after all, you had lost consciousness for a moment directly after the impact, and now, you had to keep the curtains drawn and the lights dimmed in the room and felt as if you were in a trance.

The two of you were sitting in silence.After he’d arrived, Zen assaulted you with questions on your health and well-being so that he could report back to Saeyoung.You would have been happy to do it yourself, but because of your concussion, you were prohibited from looking at screens.Even if you could, you didn’t have your phone and assumed it was still in your car, which was, you realized with a groan, going to be expensive to repair.

Finally, another nurse reentered the room with the doctor close behind.

“Mrs. Choi?” the doctor asked, “Your blood work indicates that you’re with child.Were you aware of this?” 

You heard a sharp intake of breath from Zen.

“Huh?” you asked.Your head was foggy.

“Pregnancy, Mrs. Choi.You’re pregnant, without a doubt.We’ll be conducting an ultrasound to make sure that there are no trauma caused anomalies.An OB-GYN will be with you shortly.And, congratulations.”She smiled at you tenderly, and you couldn’t help but look down, bashful. 

And, just as you were moments earlier, you and Zen were left alone.

“Pregnant?” Zen breathed, his voice husky with disbelief.“You— _wow_ , congrats to both of you.”

You gave him a small smile and lolled your head to look at him.“Yeah, thanks.Keep it a secret, please.”

He closed his mouth and pressed his lips together, raising his hand up to his face to twist his wrist in a “locking key” motion.“What pregnancy?” he jested with a smile.Then, his face dropped.“Though, I should leave, shouldn’t I?I’ll give you your privacy for the ultrasound, but I’ll be right outside if you need anything.”

He went to stand up, but the quiet “ah,” that left your mouth stilled him.

“Would you… this is weird, sorry, but stay?”

“Uh, you sure?”

“Yeah… until Saeyoung gets here… we haven’t—or, I haven’t gotten one yet.Ever.So in case anything is… wrong?I don’t know; I don’t want to be alone.”You were strong; you knew you were.But there was something so vulnerable about the entire situation that even you couldn’t brute force your way through it.You needed to know that you had _someone_ , if not your husband, there with you, keeping you grounded.

Zen’s face softened.“Of course,” he whispered.“I’ll text in what’s happening.”

He was still tapping away on his phone when the OB-GYN arrived, dragging a mobile ultrasound machine behind her.She attempted to start quiet small talk to ease the tension, but you were in no mood for conversation.Eventually, she reserved herself to explaining what she was doing, what she was looking for, and allaying your fears by repeating that everything was as it should be.Then, she smiled and pressed a button, and a rapid yet rhythmic sound pervaded into the air.

“And that’s a healthy, steady heartbeat if I ever heard one,” she said, turning the sound off and leaning forward to wipe the gel off of your abdomen.“Would the two of you like a recording of it to take home?”

Zen perked up with his cheeks darkening a bit.“ _Ah,_ I’m not—the… uh, father—“ He paused for a moment after stumbling over the word “father.”You weren’t surprised; he was probably horrified at the prospect of Saeyoung multiplying.“The _father_ should be almost here.”

“My apologies,” she dismissed.She turned to you.“But would _you_ like a recording to take home?”

You nodded and whispered, “That’d be great,” just as the telephone by the hospital door went off.

The OB-GYN stood up to answer it.“Dr. Jung, room 403… oh, wonderful!Please hold for a moment.”Dr. Jung covered the mouthpiece with her hand and turned to you.“A Mr. Saeyoung Choi is in the waiting room asking for you.We’re done here, so if you’d like, we can bring him up.”

“Oh!Absolutely, he’s probably going crazy.”Considering that you yourself hadn’t notified him at all, you could only imagine the chaotic state he was in.You didn’t even want to know how many traffic laws he violated when driving over.

Dr. Jung smiled and approved the guest visit before wrapping up her equipment to leave.“Your regular doctor will be back shortly to have you sign the discharge papers.I’m sure you’ll make a speedy recovery, and best of luck,” she said as she rolled the machine out of the room.

Zen stood just as the door closed behind her.“I’ll wait in the waiting room, then, if you need anything else. _Now_ I think it’s best if I give you both your privacy.”You gave him a slight wave as he walked towards the door.Before he left, he turned in the doorway and gave you another smile, this one, bittersweet.“Congrats, again.You’ll be good parents.”

He left before you could say anything in return.

The expression on his face was almost conflicted, but you decided not to dwell on it.You were not alone for more than a minute or two when you heard quiet, hesitant knocks.

“Yeah,” you called out softly.

The door opened and in walked Saeyoung.At first, he stood by the door, frozen as he stared at your wrist, wrapped in a tight brace with built in splints to keep it immobile.It was a nasty sprain, the doctor had told you as she relayed to you how to nurse it back to health.It wasn’t until you whispered a, “I’m alive; don’t worry,” that he rushed to your side.

Saeyoung, a staunch believer of the phrase “actions speak louder than words,” didn’t pummel you with questions or _I told you so_ ’s.Instead, upon reaching you, he gently cradled your face between his hands and leaned forward to meet you in a slow, deep kiss.You could tell that he was holding back, that he wanted to hold you tight to him just to make sure that you were there.If his shaking hands were an indication of anything, it would be that he had been terrified—he was _still_ terrified.

He parted from you for a moment, staying close enough that you could feel his shaky breaths on your face.“I’m sorry, are you sure you—“

You interrupted him by closing the distance between you two again.When you parted, you nodded.“Both of us are okay.Can’t say the same thing for the car, though.”

“ _Fuck_ the car.I don’t care.I just…” he sighed through his nose and closed his eyes.“I told you not to go,” he whispered, his voice tight.

“I know, and I’m sorry that it happened.We’ll have to go talk to the guy who crashed into me about insurance.”

“Jumin and Saeran are taking care of it.”

You blinked.“What?”

“We were all worried, MC.I mean, I didn’t even know if you were _alive_.”

You rolled your eyes.“Saeyoung, come on.I know you looked through every website that covered it.You _saw_ the car.”

His voice rose as he scoffed, “ _Yeah_ , the rear-end is totaled!”Then, when he saw you wince at the volume, he took a step back.

You saw that his eyes were wide with horror at the prospect of even causing you _mild_ discomfort.“Saeyoung, I’m fine.Come back over here.”

He did as told, and you reached out to take his hand.“I’m not made of glass. _You_ of all people should know that.”

Still, he looked unconvinced, so you tried a different approach.“So you know they had to do an ultrasound to make sure everything was alright.They’re giving us a recording of the heartbeat so you can hear it later.”

“I missed that?”

“It’s one of many, babe,” you assured him, lightly pulling him closer to you.“We’ll go to the real, _official_ first one together, okay?”

“Okay,” he whispered back.“Okay, as long as you’re okay.”

You could tell that he was still guilting himself, but as long as he wasn’t isolating himself from you, it was good enough.You would work on freeing him of his self-blame more when you got home; not a day went by when you didn’t, after all.

And as long as he would come out of it happier, you would always be there to do it.


End file.
